So this weekend pretty much sums up my life in a nutshell.
Saturday was my house-warming party. Lots of people came but only two of my close friends showed up. The others were persuing a more delectable evening in some remote place with their little lap dogs. I, of course, saw it as a direct blow to the face - but I guess it could have been worse . . . like my heart getting ripped out of my chest and then burned by the fire they made with sticks and leaves, like in the boyscouts - but it wasn't like my house-warming party was my wedding day or the day I gave birth to life on earth, it was just a party symbolizing my independence from overbearing parents and financial comfort - the last one from the group, might I add. The group that is now just a circle of little girls who had a past together whose only focus at this moment is trying to persue a successful life as grown women no matter what it takes, myself included. So sad to see that thick thread of ours holding all of us together, is now split into a thin unstable string that can break at any moment if pulled just hard enough.
Sunday was a little more painful - I was vomiting till 2 o'clock in the afternoon from the night before. My reckless self drank ten too many 'sake bombs' (maybe to rid the sadness of my missing friends) and I didn't sleep at all that day - until finally my belly felt it neccessary to retain water again. Then I was able to sleep throughout the rest of the day and wake up just in time to drive to LA and have beef bolgolgi with with the one and only, SGT. Poopykins.
Monday was even more painful. I wake up thinking that this day was going to be a good day - but it turned out being the worst one. It happened right after sex . . . I had to let my curiosity get the best of me. That turned into a whirlwind of problems. Problems that I wish not to repeat in this gaudy little journal. Let's just say that I spent the night gluing back together the legs and arms of my beloved 'limited edition' japanese rump bear/rabbit I had spent $50 on at the wizard con last year; a toy I can no longer get anywhere unless I go on eBay and buy it for the very low cost price of $364. And I wasn't the one who broke it to prove a point. Fucking points and proofs. It's all 'riff raff' to me - an excuse to get nasty to prove something to someone - yeah, prove that you can be an asshole if you want to be. I don't see why people deem it neccessary to break my shit to prove a point. Whether it be my heart, my self-esteem, or something far more shallow like material object I hold dear. Shit.
The ladder of the evening was better. After a kiss and make-up, we had the best cuddle sesh ever!
At that moment I realized something - I need a new brain. More importantly, I need a new life. I find it harder and harder to reinvent yourself as you grow older . . . but I have to if I want to be happy.
Too much anger . . . way too much.
I just can't live like this anymore.
Saturday was my house-warming party. Lots of people came but only two of my close friends showed up. The others were persuing a more delectable evening in some remote place with their little lap dogs. I, of course, saw it as a direct blow to the face - but I guess it could have been worse . . . like my heart getting ripped out of my chest and then burned by the fire they made with sticks and leaves, like in the boyscouts - but it wasn't like my house-warming party was my wedding day or the day I gave birth to life on earth, it was just a party symbolizing my independence from overbearing parents and financial comfort - the last one from the group, might I add. The group that is now just a circle of little girls who had a past together whose only focus at this moment is trying to persue a successful life as grown women no matter what it takes, myself included. So sad to see that thick thread of ours holding all of us together, is now split into a thin unstable string that can break at any moment if pulled just hard enough.
Sunday was a little more painful - I was vomiting till 2 o'clock in the afternoon from the night before. My reckless self drank ten too many 'sake bombs' (maybe to rid the sadness of my missing friends) and I didn't sleep at all that day - until finally my belly felt it neccessary to retain water again. Then I was able to sleep throughout the rest of the day and wake up just in time to drive to LA and have beef bolgolgi with with the one and only, SGT. Poopykins.
Monday was even more painful. I wake up thinking that this day was going to be a good day - but it turned out being the worst one. It happened right after sex . . . I had to let my curiosity get the best of me. That turned into a whirlwind of problems. Problems that I wish not to repeat in this gaudy little journal. Let's just say that I spent the night gluing back together the legs and arms of my beloved 'limited edition' japanese rump bear/rabbit I had spent $50 on at the wizard con last year; a toy I can no longer get anywhere unless I go on eBay and buy it for the very low cost price of $364. And I wasn't the one who broke it to prove a point. Fucking points and proofs. It's all 'riff raff' to me - an excuse to get nasty to prove something to someone - yeah, prove that you can be an asshole if you want to be. I don't see why people deem it neccessary to break my shit to prove a point. Whether it be my heart, my self-esteem, or something far more shallow like material object I hold dear. Shit.
The ladder of the evening was better. After a kiss and make-up, we had the best cuddle sesh ever!
At that moment I realized something - I need a new brain. More importantly, I need a new life. I find it harder and harder to reinvent yourself as you grow older . . . but I have to if I want to be happy.
Too much anger . . . way too much.
I just can't live like this anymore.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Luckily i am blessed right now to have the only girl-friend ive ever loved back in my life and i thank God for you everytime i pray... which lately, is alot.
And thank you for being so kind as to gift my SG account to me. It may seem like something small to you, but right now, its huge and so thoughtfull i almost cried.
I love you so much sweetie!!!
ps. im over the eyeshadow
I mean, i wear sooooo much makeup right now that it keeps me up at night just thinking of old pink eyeshadows
i will call you tommorow/today in the afternoon, i have some news to tell you. Oh, and no luck on the last Buffy disk. i think i will have to pull a hostage exchange, his jeans and clicker for my season 7 blue disc with Xander on it. Or we could check for used copies on amazon.