metalmarna

I've been having these really absurd dreams. I don't know if I can label them as nightmares because they aren't scary or disturbing and I don't wake up in a sweltering puddle of my own sweat but these dreams, they linger in my head longer than usual and they leave me with an uncomfortable feeling that I can't seem to shake. These dreams are also more vivid and colorful than usual. Usually, I have forgotten my dreams shortly after I start my day but I can feel the aftermath of these new deams for days. I hate it. Cause as much as I love to dream, the ones I've had lately just make me feel so dirty and disillusioned to what is REALLY going on in my own reality. It's a serious mindfuck. I hate mindfucks, much like the same way I hate clusterfucks. (A whole hell of a lot.) I wish I can go into detail about the content of my dreams so you can have a better understanding as to what makes me feel so weird about it all . . . but the subject matter could get inflamatory (if you know what I mean).

I just found out a couple days ago that my friend passed away. Yes, #2 this year. I'm just in a state of disdain at the moment. I don't know why death is showing itself to me more often than usual - and creeping closer and closer to my degrees of seperation with the deceased . . . is this what I have to look forward to as I get older? Or is this just a bad year for the living? In any case, it sucks. I don't know if I have any tears left to cry.

I'd like to tell you about my RADIOHEAD experience. But my head isn't in the right place for that now. Maybe later on.

I hope you are doing better than I am.



UPDATE: July 4th, 2006 2:05 AM

I just came back from watching 'the Devil Wears Prada'. That movie really hit close to home . . .

Anyway, I just wanted to elaborate on the RADIOHEAD show or a second.

The show was absolutely amazing. Let me tell you about the scenery; breathtaking, to say the least. It was held at the Bayview in San Diego right next to the water. It was all mostly GA but there were bleachers to sit on towards the back of the field. To the right of the stage was a metropolis. A view of large buildings and skyscrapers adorned with the bluest blue of the sky above.

The sun was setting just above the horizon as Radiohead came out playing 'Airbag'. I would say the night was a pretty good mix of the Bends, OK computer, and Kid A with a whole bunch of new songs infused into the set. Of course, like most of the fans in the audience, my weakness took over when the band played Fake Plastic Trees. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. It was such a warm feeling. To hear the people beside me sing every word that spout from Thom York's lips and into our ears and soaked into our pores and entered our viens leaving us naked and vulnerable for truth and meaning and life and light and music - that sweet, sweet music - composed by none other than who I'd like to decribe as the ionosphere of all things BLISS, and to watch us sway back and forth - together, apart - but all the same, to the sounds of these dangerous angels . . . I just felt like nothing could ever make me feel as content as I was for those 137 minutes that made a moment. A moment that would last forever in my mind . . .

. . . it was just ('yesterday I woke up sucking on lemon') everything in its right place . . .

Ohhh. you must thing im crazy. I just think I'm lucky.



View from the venue.

i heart radiohead mucho.