It's funny and sometimes surprising to think that I have what someone else wants. The boy and the house and the cat and the lazy day where all we do is watch movies and read books and cuddle by a tiny fire place in the middle of the room, toasting our feet that poke out beneath the blanket (in this case, the lot of tea lights burning around us). But the price I had to pay to be where I am now, to live that dream of another, sometimes I think it wasn't worth it.
I think it's just the times in-between, the times when my lover and I don't see eye to eye. Where we go back to that ugly place to prove to ourselves and each other that we were not wrong for what we did to one another that led us here, to this moment. Who hurt each other more? Who is better off? Who lied more? Who proved their love most genuinely? And ultimately, who made the bigger sacrifice? And even though we have that wholedarity of being a couple that is in it for the long haul - be it marriage, having children, or just years of potential companionship, this particular conflict never seems to go away. It is like a poison embedded in our blood. Why is that? That our love be so envious yet what we went through to get here is still a current issue, constantly testing the limits of our devotion.
Time is the answer to everything, I guess. And trust. Trust is the ultimate switch. That ticking time bomb. The manifestation of evil. The mother of all determination between prosperity or descent. If you have no trust, you might as well check yourself into an insane asylum . . . (cause you WILL go crazy without it!)
I guess what Im trying to say is, things arent necessarily what it seems. And what you want, isnt necessarily what you really want when you get it.
As for me, although I may share these stressing times with my companion, I suppose I am ultimately happy. Its the little things, the times out of the in-between, the times that really matter. Or the things we share that are most important like compatibility, inspiration, and support. I could never imagine myself living with anyone else. And I never seem to get sick of seeing my lovers face day after day after day. And when we do bicker about the past, there is always a happy ending. And I think that is what happy is. Happy isnt being happy all the time. Its being happy in general.
And mostly, happy can only be achieved when you have truly succumb to your surroundings and are truly at peace with the decisions youve made to become who you are to get where you wish to be. Just peace. Not necessarily content. You must also have an understanding that the law of living and nature is never constant and that there will be bumps in the road and black where there should be white and death where there once was life. More so, you have to believe that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Light at the end of a fight. Light at the end of a bad break up or a loss of a friendship gone sour. And sound at the end of a long and eerie silence.
I dont know if what Ive said will even make sense to you unless you know where Im coming from and who I am. And most likely, you dont know who I am so, you probably wont get my motive for writing all of this. But just know, just know that we all have the same problems and want the same things one way or another. And being human is a derivative of all these things; we are all the same animal. The same instinctual beings living the same humanistic cycle of life. Because what you may go through now, I may not go though till much later on in life. And although you might see me as evil or deceitful or much worse, you will one day be in my shoes and possibly have to make the choices that I made and understand the things I had to do to be where I am, and be with who I am today.
And as I say this, I hope sometime very soon my companion will realize this and I will know this of him too. And we can keep the past where it belongs, behind us. And know it is a place we shouldnt have to tread again.
. . . because we have everything that a lot of people seem to want. Love, and a humble abode to call our own.
I think it's just the times in-between, the times when my lover and I don't see eye to eye. Where we go back to that ugly place to prove to ourselves and each other that we were not wrong for what we did to one another that led us here, to this moment. Who hurt each other more? Who is better off? Who lied more? Who proved their love most genuinely? And ultimately, who made the bigger sacrifice? And even though we have that wholedarity of being a couple that is in it for the long haul - be it marriage, having children, or just years of potential companionship, this particular conflict never seems to go away. It is like a poison embedded in our blood. Why is that? That our love be so envious yet what we went through to get here is still a current issue, constantly testing the limits of our devotion.
Time is the answer to everything, I guess. And trust. Trust is the ultimate switch. That ticking time bomb. The manifestation of evil. The mother of all determination between prosperity or descent. If you have no trust, you might as well check yourself into an insane asylum . . . (cause you WILL go crazy without it!)
I guess what Im trying to say is, things arent necessarily what it seems. And what you want, isnt necessarily what you really want when you get it.
As for me, although I may share these stressing times with my companion, I suppose I am ultimately happy. Its the little things, the times out of the in-between, the times that really matter. Or the things we share that are most important like compatibility, inspiration, and support. I could never imagine myself living with anyone else. And I never seem to get sick of seeing my lovers face day after day after day. And when we do bicker about the past, there is always a happy ending. And I think that is what happy is. Happy isnt being happy all the time. Its being happy in general.
And mostly, happy can only be achieved when you have truly succumb to your surroundings and are truly at peace with the decisions youve made to become who you are to get where you wish to be. Just peace. Not necessarily content. You must also have an understanding that the law of living and nature is never constant and that there will be bumps in the road and black where there should be white and death where there once was life. More so, you have to believe that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Light at the end of a fight. Light at the end of a bad break up or a loss of a friendship gone sour. And sound at the end of a long and eerie silence.
I dont know if what Ive said will even make sense to you unless you know where Im coming from and who I am. And most likely, you dont know who I am so, you probably wont get my motive for writing all of this. But just know, just know that we all have the same problems and want the same things one way or another. And being human is a derivative of all these things; we are all the same animal. The same instinctual beings living the same humanistic cycle of life. Because what you may go through now, I may not go though till much later on in life. And although you might see me as evil or deceitful or much worse, you will one day be in my shoes and possibly have to make the choices that I made and understand the things I had to do to be where I am, and be with who I am today.
And as I say this, I hope sometime very soon my companion will realize this and I will know this of him too. And we can keep the past where it belongs, behind us. And know it is a place we shouldnt have to tread again.
. . . because we have everything that a lot of people seem to want. Love, and a humble abode to call our own.