TALES FROM THE HEART: Part 1
'Eric Clapton Doesn't Sing Here Anymore.'
Let's start with Josh. Josh Kutner. He was 17 and I was 14. We were introduced by a mutual friend who later turned into a drug addict speed freak - but that's another story for another time. Anyway, Josh and I met one night in Culver City at a Masonic Lodge on Venice Blvd. He was a Junior Counselor for this little organization called DeMolay which is a derivative of the Free Masons for boys 14 to 21 (another story told for another time). Before we even met it was said that he and I would be perfect for each other. And that night was the night we were to prove all our friends thoughts correct.
It was cold but I didnt care. I had my striped purple and black stockings on with these cut-off jean shorts and a faded pink tank top; my favorite outfit back then. I didn't care that the wind was making my skin tighten and bump, all I could feel was the heat inside of me burning with anticipation to meet this guy. We were all huddled in a circle laughing and talking like high school kids do when Josh finally came out for a cigarette. That was when I first laid eyes on him.
He was gorgeous. His hair was long and dark and his eyes were big and green. Green like emeralds. Those green eyes that to this day make me shiver with pure incredulity. We both smiled and revealed that our teeth were held tightly by thin wires and little black rubber bands. He was tall and skinny, a perfect sculpture to my very mature 14-year-old figure. He was more beautiful than I had ever imagined. He took my breath away. And so it seemed, I took his, too.
That whole night we'd sheepishly glance at one another and giggle and touch. Few words were exchanged; everything had already been said about us that all we had to do was fulfill their revelations. It was just a couple hours that we met that night, but when I got home, all I could think of for a week was Josh. Josh and his pretty face. Josh and his pretty eyes. Josh and his long black hair.
Not too long after that night, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Since I lived in Torrance and he in Culver City and too young to maintain a vehicle by myself, I would have my godfather take me to his house every weekend. There, we would go out for long walks around the block or hang out at his friends backyard, but I remember more vividly that we would take bus rides across town and down to the strand in Venice Beach where we would partake in sucking on anything that produced smoke.
Sometimes, I would spend the night at his house, although I was never allowed to sleep with him all night. I was to be in my own bed that was made for me in the living room. Aside from this rule, we managed to stay up all night and kiss and cuddle and look longingly into each others eyes until the sun went up and then I would hurriedly run to the little pile of sheets placed neatly in the other room before his mom would walk into the kitchen for her morning cup of coffee. It was those times in his bedroom at night that I held closest to me. What I remember most is that he would always play that Eric Clapton song, 'Tears in Heaven' over and over again, all night long. He said that the song always made him think of me. I think it silly now because I know better, but back then, I could have died happily right there when he explained to me how he felt.
I was only with Josh for a couple months until he decided things just weren't going to work out. I was to go to his Prom and at the last minute, he called me and said that he was going with someone else, and to make matters worse, he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. I begged that he think about this drastic measure he just relayed to me over the phone, but his mind was made up. That night, I cried an ocean in my bedroom. I couldn't breathe, I was chocking on my own snot, and Trent Reznor's, 'Something I can Never Have,' played on till the early dawn. It was the first heart break I had experienced in my life. I had never felt so much pain in my young teenager heart until that day. And 'tears in heaven' became 'tears in hell' for a very, very long time for me.
I was eager to place the label on Josh that he was my first love. But now, at the ripe old age of 23, I know he wasnt.
(check back for Part 2 of, TALES FROM THE HEART)
'Eric Clapton Doesn't Sing Here Anymore.'
Let's start with Josh. Josh Kutner. He was 17 and I was 14. We were introduced by a mutual friend who later turned into a drug addict speed freak - but that's another story for another time. Anyway, Josh and I met one night in Culver City at a Masonic Lodge on Venice Blvd. He was a Junior Counselor for this little organization called DeMolay which is a derivative of the Free Masons for boys 14 to 21 (another story told for another time). Before we even met it was said that he and I would be perfect for each other. And that night was the night we were to prove all our friends thoughts correct.
It was cold but I didnt care. I had my striped purple and black stockings on with these cut-off jean shorts and a faded pink tank top; my favorite outfit back then. I didn't care that the wind was making my skin tighten and bump, all I could feel was the heat inside of me burning with anticipation to meet this guy. We were all huddled in a circle laughing and talking like high school kids do when Josh finally came out for a cigarette. That was when I first laid eyes on him.
He was gorgeous. His hair was long and dark and his eyes were big and green. Green like emeralds. Those green eyes that to this day make me shiver with pure incredulity. We both smiled and revealed that our teeth were held tightly by thin wires and little black rubber bands. He was tall and skinny, a perfect sculpture to my very mature 14-year-old figure. He was more beautiful than I had ever imagined. He took my breath away. And so it seemed, I took his, too.
That whole night we'd sheepishly glance at one another and giggle and touch. Few words were exchanged; everything had already been said about us that all we had to do was fulfill their revelations. It was just a couple hours that we met that night, but when I got home, all I could think of for a week was Josh. Josh and his pretty face. Josh and his pretty eyes. Josh and his long black hair.
Not too long after that night, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Since I lived in Torrance and he in Culver City and too young to maintain a vehicle by myself, I would have my godfather take me to his house every weekend. There, we would go out for long walks around the block or hang out at his friends backyard, but I remember more vividly that we would take bus rides across town and down to the strand in Venice Beach where we would partake in sucking on anything that produced smoke.
Sometimes, I would spend the night at his house, although I was never allowed to sleep with him all night. I was to be in my own bed that was made for me in the living room. Aside from this rule, we managed to stay up all night and kiss and cuddle and look longingly into each others eyes until the sun went up and then I would hurriedly run to the little pile of sheets placed neatly in the other room before his mom would walk into the kitchen for her morning cup of coffee. It was those times in his bedroom at night that I held closest to me. What I remember most is that he would always play that Eric Clapton song, 'Tears in Heaven' over and over again, all night long. He said that the song always made him think of me. I think it silly now because I know better, but back then, I could have died happily right there when he explained to me how he felt.
I was only with Josh for a couple months until he decided things just weren't going to work out. I was to go to his Prom and at the last minute, he called me and said that he was going with someone else, and to make matters worse, he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. I begged that he think about this drastic measure he just relayed to me over the phone, but his mind was made up. That night, I cried an ocean in my bedroom. I couldn't breathe, I was chocking on my own snot, and Trent Reznor's, 'Something I can Never Have,' played on till the early dawn. It was the first heart break I had experienced in my life. I had never felt so much pain in my young teenager heart until that day. And 'tears in heaven' became 'tears in hell' for a very, very long time for me.
I was eager to place the label on Josh that he was my first love. But now, at the ripe old age of 23, I know he wasnt.
(check back for Part 2 of, TALES FROM THE HEART)
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I dont know of anyone who would stop to buy me cough syrup at midnight after seeing a show in Hollywood. You totally opened my eyes to what true friendship and caring is... i didnt think it existed anymore.
*big hugs*
me
But, then again, you know that as well as i do right now