I really don't know how to start this but here it goes. In the last 3 years I haven't been able to get a relationship to last for more than 2 weeks and there were only 2 relationships I tried starting. And both seemed like they used me then left. I usually always look forward knowing that I will find someone one day with time but lately I've had that feeling of being unlovable. Like I am meant to be alone. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been with someone in a long time that I'm feeling this way but it's driving me insane! And what makes the feeling even worse is that while I sit here lonely, complete douches that I know that have slept around are now in lasting relationships.
I used to never be like this but ever sense I was in the hospital for those few months over a year ago knocking on deaths door, I realized how lonely I am and that I really want to find a girl for me... that complements who I am. I secretly always wanted to find someone but never really cared to much if I did or who it was that I was with. I just don't want to be one of those people to die alone :(
I think this all comes back to the fact my brother died and then just a little over a year later I'm in the hospital with the same thing that killed him and it just scared me. And only having family there and no friends or girlfriend there made me feel like I had nothing.
Well this is my rambling for the night...
