metalheadgrrl

I hate doing this, but at this point i feel like this is a good place for me to vent.

Vagina Monolouges rehearsal was super emotional today. I came into the rehearsal feeling shitty anyways (due to some stuff that occured at Wilde) and the stuff that I heard, and I said at rehearsal, about what it's like to be a woman in our world, made me angry and sad and fed up.

I have three gigantic hickies on my neck from last night. Usually, i would be proud, but I'm not right now. I'm actually just pissed off and upset. These fucking hickies are a reminder of how I was dropped for someone else. I wasnt expecting a fucking relationship outta the hookup, but it still REALLY stings not to be the person that gets taken upstairs.

I guess what I'm saying is that I just want someone to stay interested in me long enough to make me feel like I'm not a worthless piece of shit. I want to be with someone who isn't embarassed of me. I want to be with someone who tells me I'm beautiful. I want to be with someone who's willing to fuck me AND be emotionally attached.

I want the one person in this world that I can honestly say I love to love me back. I want her to call me. I want to know she still cares about me.

I want to feel pretty and I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY that I can't because I'm FAT. I'm angry that I'm going through emotional HELL right now trying to exersize and diet and I feel that its NEVER going to come off. I feel like I'm going to be fat forever I should just resign myself to a life of pointless hookups.

I'm just ANGRY. And SAD. And I feel WORTHLESS. And I know other women feel this way. But goddamnit I FEEL THIS WAY NOW and I want to vent. I'm crying and I feel like crying is the only thing I can do right now. I'm stuck between wanting to scream and beat the shit out of someone and wanting to curl up in a ball and sob the rest of the week.

I'm so sick of everything right now.