meta

today I have fun things to tell you.

my five most recently downloaded songs,
and,
a story about Tubgirl!

1. "A Change at Christmas" - Flaming Lips. because I lost my cd and totally needed the song for a ridiculously happy playlist I was devising.. ehh..

2. "I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow" - Soggy Bottom Boys. because people have put all the fucking songs from the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack on mix cds for me, EXCEPT the one song I actually like..

3. "Such Great Heights" - Iron and Wine. I have no excuse for downloading this song. I can't even listen to Iron and Wine anymore. but I heard it on an M&Ms commercial and thought I'd stick it to the man. in reverse. sloppily.

4. "Helena" - My Chemical Romance. because the music video is fucking melodramatic and, more importantly, I am emo. the stupid kind of emo. whee.

5. "Rock Lobster" - B-52s. uh, because it was on Family Guy not too long ago and my life is run by tv? also, it was on at the grocery store today and that made me really fucking happy.

JEALOUS?

onward to the Tubgirl story! it is fantastic. no, it's really not. but I'm bored and I want to entertain my legions of fans.

it was a beautiful February morning in North Dakota. (read: coldest fucking thing this side of Uranus. and yes, I did use Uranus as an example simply because I am an immature buttfreak.) I was at the University of North Dakota with my awesome College Bowl team for the regional tournament. if by awesome College Bowl team you mean "robo-lesbian, pseudo-hippie who smells bad, indie music snob, and the ugly one" and if by regional tournament you mean "nine teams of nerdlings so dementedly hideous, I, the ugly one, somehow managed to be the hottest piece of ass there."

I'm kinda verbose today, nyeh?

anyway. our team captain, the robo-lesbian, is a big pompous wench who decided that it would be REALLY COOL to have breakfast at the hotel before having breakfast at the tournament, and hidey ho, tournament breakfast was a lot later than she thought, so we had about an hour to kill before our first match started.

so we sat around the student center for a while and I gleefully hopped downstairs to check my email. I booted up a computer.. and..

the wallpaper on this computer was none other than the illustrious Tubgirl.

this was not my first encounter with Tubgirl, but it was still quite a shock, and it drained my soul through my various orifices. after I was done with the email nonsense, I went back upstairs, still shaken, and we had our first match of the day.

and I won't say that we lost horribly, but I did definitely stop believing in myself and at one point managed to answer "HOLY FUCK" instead of "Booker T. Washington."

awesome tactic, University of North Dakota.. freak out the squares on the other teams with surprise encounters with Tubgirl and render them unable to get that image out of their heads. so all the wrong synapses will fire and we will answer "anus exploding with liquid shit!" when asked to name the capital of Bora Bora. well done. good form. golf clap. I'll get you next time, North Dakota. you wheat-lovin' mongrel whores.