you know why I like sporks?
because there's no awkward pause.
there's never that horrible moment when you think, oh shit, should I be using a fork or a spoon? you don't have to worry about being gauche. with the spork, you're always using the right utensil.
or more accurately, you're never using the wrong utensil.
soy noodles have a really meaty texture and I am uncomfortable with eating them with a spoon. nothing that has this much toughness to it should have to suffer the ridiculous fate of being gently scooped up with a curved piece of metal and then chewed. the spoon was designed for creamy things, dainty things, nothing so dramatic as the soy noodle.
no, the soy noodle requires a fork, with long stabby tines, even if you do not stab the noodle. at least there is the illusion of violence. for the big beefy soy noodle.
the issue here is that I am eating soy noodle soup, so there is this crazy juxtaposition of Meaty Noodle and Liquidy Broth. I am picking up the noodles with a fork, and I am scooping up the broth with a spoon.
because I do not have a spork.
nor do I have chopsticks, nor do I want to portray myself as the kind of person who can eat gracefully with chopsticks, because I cannot, and I am an enemy of pretension.
(insert cruel mocking laughter here)
the other thing that creeps me out is when you eat a whole animal in one bite. like shrimp. like, give them a little bit of fucking dignity, you guys.
ok so yeah I'm a dork, but the thing is, you totally fucking LOVE it.
because there's no awkward pause.
there's never that horrible moment when you think, oh shit, should I be using a fork or a spoon? you don't have to worry about being gauche. with the spork, you're always using the right utensil.
or more accurately, you're never using the wrong utensil.
soy noodles have a really meaty texture and I am uncomfortable with eating them with a spoon. nothing that has this much toughness to it should have to suffer the ridiculous fate of being gently scooped up with a curved piece of metal and then chewed. the spoon was designed for creamy things, dainty things, nothing so dramatic as the soy noodle.
no, the soy noodle requires a fork, with long stabby tines, even if you do not stab the noodle. at least there is the illusion of violence. for the big beefy soy noodle.
the issue here is that I am eating soy noodle soup, so there is this crazy juxtaposition of Meaty Noodle and Liquidy Broth. I am picking up the noodles with a fork, and I am scooping up the broth with a spoon.
because I do not have a spork.
nor do I have chopsticks, nor do I want to portray myself as the kind of person who can eat gracefully with chopsticks, because I cannot, and I am an enemy of pretension.
(insert cruel mocking laughter here)
the other thing that creeps me out is when you eat a whole animal in one bite. like shrimp. like, give them a little bit of fucking dignity, you guys.
ok so yeah I'm a dork, but the thing is, you totally fucking LOVE it.
VIEW 25 of 66 COMMENTS
judas:
wow.
judas:
no later than midnight at the absolute latest. i have a roomie who is very cranky about getting his sleep on weekdays.