meridien

fuck, i miss that girl so much, i miss the way her sentances flowed, i miss her quirky little smile
she is everything i could have hoped for, i am still in shock that she stilll even likes me. . .
i would give anything to make her come.
i am such a fucking dork, i want to wake up next to her in the...
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i am so short-termed fucked it is fucking unbelievable
i am very close to getting a great job that guarantee's my internship when i graduate
a friend from home was found dead on someone's couch, i am still in shock, he was young, his parents must be insane right now.
my body goes numb when i think about it, so i'm trying very hard not...
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a part of me that grows more engorged with every passing day wants to end it all and admit this experiment was simply a mistake from the beginning, that i control nothing, least of all myself.

perhaps we the human race have made this god and this book, it has turned into a self-fulfilling prophocy of the mundane nature of evil unbound and unchecked. ....
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best not talk to loud
i'm not as smart as you require them now
your body breaks
your needs consume you forever
and with this lies
the need to be here together
poetic, no?
why is it that everyone i start out liking i end up hating at least to some degree
life is so fucking fucked up.

after three years of college english i think it can best be summed up like this:
fuck, i really, really want to fuck.
.... hmmm, some roommate on roommate action perhaps?
but this seems kind of ridiculous because if i am not even able to get myself off ( two weeks and counting. . . ) how could i do it for anyone else?

this...
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in addition, i hate when i do things for other people instead of for me
also, when i do something that i know will eventually make me unhappy

i am listening to wolf eyes.
i tried to get myself off, but lost my ambition and just laid there and stared at the ceiling. i have no sex drive, my roommate got laid by a random girl and is now acting like he's angry, what the fuck is wrong ?
his tatoo's for honesty sake make me laugh everytime i see them, he might...
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things i hate:
1. roommates
2. boys that act like girls
3. people who smile at me when i am hating everyone
4.girls who go from one guy to the next
5. people who have an agenda
6.liars
7. knowing people have hated me for doing the majority of the above.
8. walking into a room where you know the people were just talking about...
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why is it that even after you offer someone the only form of payment that you are willing to give they feel that they can refuse and decide on the one they want
i will give you money
not sex
ever.
but, don't give up. . . that's right, i was just playing hard to get. . .
ask me if i want to ride...
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