I submitted my profile photo to be changed on Monday. I haven't gotten any reply yet.
In other news... Sometimes, life is really depressing.
I ned to bitch.
I just get bogged down by the every day shit.
I see that at lunch time, everyone at the office has someone to go to lunch with... I go and sit in my car alone for an hour. Even more depressing is the fact that everyone else has money to BUY lunch... I don't. I usually sit here and smoke and nap. I'd like to buy some goddamn food for myself sometime.
And then I also think about how I can't catch a break on the simple stuff.
My mail has been getting stolen since about October. There's been theft of well over 500 dollars, but no one seems to care. I've reported it to the united states postal service. They gave me a "case number." I can't do a goddamn thing about it. So now everything I get in the mail has to go to a p.o. box in CT and then get re-routed to me with a signature required. My grandparents think I'm insane because THEIR mail doesn't get stolen, just mine... well, I don't really think anyone wants oxygen tubes or dog beds. They know the stuff coming in MY name is the fun stuff. Most recently, my aunt sent me some birthday money. It was also stolen. She called my grandfather and told him what happened... and now he said he will call the post office. So, when *i* tell them about it, I get accused of being crazy, but when my AUNT tells him about it and confirms it, he's going to call the post office.
What the fuck?
Also, I really needed that fucking money.
Oh and then there's the humdrum every day amazing fabulous life I lead. I go home from work, sit there for 4 or 5 hours, and go to sleep. All just to repeat it again, day in and day out.
I look forward to trips to starbucks with incredible glee, because the ONE person who deals with my dumb ass every day, is Scott. I don't know how he is still my friend, I really don't. Everyone else seems to ditch out at some point or another. Either way, there he is. He has coffee with me just about every other day, and even though he's sick, in pain from a fracured rib, and can't deal with my smoking anymore because of a new diagnosis of asthma, he still endures me. Maybe it's because I accept him no matter what. I don't know. But what I do know is that I would go insane without him around. I'm glad he deals with me. I don't exactly know that I'm a pain in the ass, but he tells me enough that I am. In jest of course, but half the shit we say when we're joking is usually true.
So maybe I am a pain in the ass.
Anyway, I don't know what else to do. I'm tapped out on the idea of new places to go and meet new people, I don't have anywhere near the social network I used to have when I lived in the city, and the really good and fun city people fucking moved away anyway. I'm lonely, I worry all the time about dumb shit, and I make myself sick thinking about doing my taxes this year. I didn't do them in 2007 and I plan on getting them done along with 2008, I have no idea how much it'll cost me, and I'm pretty sure I owe money. Not only that, but I have to get my w2 forms from two places that somehow managed to NOT send them to me. So I get to call fucking Claire's, and then the maryland unemployment office. Oh the latter will be SUCH fucking joy to deal with. Hate those bastards.
I really can't figure out what's so wrong with me. The people I want never want me back. The ones who DO want me are repulsive, generally. Or gee, they just wanna stick their dick in me. I guess I'm always good enough for that, right? Not good enough to date though, or be someone's girlfriend.
I honestly do try to stay in good spirits. I try to come to work and be nice even to the people I can't stand, just to avoid friction and ugliness. Even though I'd rather see them die in a tragic accident and sometimes daydream about it, I try anyway. Why? I don't know. I can't even figure that one out for myself. I guess I just don't want to wallow in misery. If I have a positive outlook, my day isn't so bad I suppose.
But on the other hand, I'm having an extremely difficult time getting out of bed every day with absolutely nothing to look forward to.
Someone do me a favor and just run me off the road and make sure it's fatal. Thanks.
In other news... Sometimes, life is really depressing.
I ned to bitch.
I just get bogged down by the every day shit.
I see that at lunch time, everyone at the office has someone to go to lunch with... I go and sit in my car alone for an hour. Even more depressing is the fact that everyone else has money to BUY lunch... I don't. I usually sit here and smoke and nap. I'd like to buy some goddamn food for myself sometime.
And then I also think about how I can't catch a break on the simple stuff.
My mail has been getting stolen since about October. There's been theft of well over 500 dollars, but no one seems to care. I've reported it to the united states postal service. They gave me a "case number." I can't do a goddamn thing about it. So now everything I get in the mail has to go to a p.o. box in CT and then get re-routed to me with a signature required. My grandparents think I'm insane because THEIR mail doesn't get stolen, just mine... well, I don't really think anyone wants oxygen tubes or dog beds. They know the stuff coming in MY name is the fun stuff. Most recently, my aunt sent me some birthday money. It was also stolen. She called my grandfather and told him what happened... and now he said he will call the post office. So, when *i* tell them about it, I get accused of being crazy, but when my AUNT tells him about it and confirms it, he's going to call the post office.
What the fuck?
Also, I really needed that fucking money.
Oh and then there's the humdrum every day amazing fabulous life I lead. I go home from work, sit there for 4 or 5 hours, and go to sleep. All just to repeat it again, day in and day out.
I look forward to trips to starbucks with incredible glee, because the ONE person who deals with my dumb ass every day, is Scott. I don't know how he is still my friend, I really don't. Everyone else seems to ditch out at some point or another. Either way, there he is. He has coffee with me just about every other day, and even though he's sick, in pain from a fracured rib, and can't deal with my smoking anymore because of a new diagnosis of asthma, he still endures me. Maybe it's because I accept him no matter what. I don't know. But what I do know is that I would go insane without him around. I'm glad he deals with me. I don't exactly know that I'm a pain in the ass, but he tells me enough that I am. In jest of course, but half the shit we say when we're joking is usually true.
So maybe I am a pain in the ass.
Anyway, I don't know what else to do. I'm tapped out on the idea of new places to go and meet new people, I don't have anywhere near the social network I used to have when I lived in the city, and the really good and fun city people fucking moved away anyway. I'm lonely, I worry all the time about dumb shit, and I make myself sick thinking about doing my taxes this year. I didn't do them in 2007 and I plan on getting them done along with 2008, I have no idea how much it'll cost me, and I'm pretty sure I owe money. Not only that, but I have to get my w2 forms from two places that somehow managed to NOT send them to me. So I get to call fucking Claire's, and then the maryland unemployment office. Oh the latter will be SUCH fucking joy to deal with. Hate those bastards.
I really can't figure out what's so wrong with me. The people I want never want me back. The ones who DO want me are repulsive, generally. Or gee, they just wanna stick their dick in me. I guess I'm always good enough for that, right? Not good enough to date though, or be someone's girlfriend.
I honestly do try to stay in good spirits. I try to come to work and be nice even to the people I can't stand, just to avoid friction and ugliness. Even though I'd rather see them die in a tragic accident and sometimes daydream about it, I try anyway. Why? I don't know. I can't even figure that one out for myself. I guess I just don't want to wallow in misery. If I have a positive outlook, my day isn't so bad I suppose.
But on the other hand, I'm having an extremely difficult time getting out of bed every day with absolutely nothing to look forward to.
Someone do me a favor and just run me off the road and make sure it's fatal. Thanks.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
rylee:
I actually just relocated to my home town of bakersfield, california...broken marriage= starting over in a place you swore you'd never go back to...ah say la've...if that's how you spell it. either way, i hope you win the lottery. then you can pay me to clean your mansion or something. have a good night darlin...
homemadeshank:
You just can't get a break girl. I really hope things pick up for you Mercie. Maybe with the next couple months I can make my way down to MD if your up for it. *hearts*