I got 2 tickets Friday night on the way home from work. I am real bummed about it. Why? Because, from the get go I do not normally drive my car. I hate cars, they are scary. People can't drive for shit in this Lone Star state. And the "man" would much rather pull you the fuck over for expired tags rather than catch the burglar in your house. But you see, the one day I do drive, I just had to get pulled over.
The thing that sucks is because I do not participate in the everyday rat race, I do not make a habit of carring my license or proof of insurance. What for? My license is strictly for the entrance to a bar. There is no need for it when I go to work. Or is it?
I notice the bitch following me doing movie star moves and shit trying to be sneaky, so I call Corinthian, my husband, and I'm all I am about to get pulled over so I will be home shortly. Sure enough dude, I turned left and the bitch put his lights on. He introduces himself as "Officer Fuckface," and tells me to get my licence and blah blah. Anyhow, the waste of human creation pulled me over 1 block from my home. He said, "I patrol the area. I know your tags have been out since August. I know your license plate number." Well, what a fucking time waster that must have been, bitch. Way to go on catching the two fucks that hit both my cars one night in front of my house. Seems like you should have been watching out for the hit and runs rather than memorizing my plate number.
He then proceeds to open my door and says, "You don't mind if I reach in the back of your car, do you?" Well, since your fucking hand is already reaching for the back seat, sure!! I look over and the fucker pulls out a bottle of fucking egg nog with the whole nine yards I got from a driver for xmas.
"SHIT."
He then says, "I am having a hard time deciding if this seal has been broken. Hmm." We go through the whole bit, he searches the rest of my car, trunk, abc's, 123's blah blah blah.
Right about now I know I am going to jail.
I am exhausted. Tired as fuck. Just got off a 11 hr shift from work, zero sleep the night before and no cigarrettes. This is finally cleared, I am freezing my ass off because he won't let me close my doors, he keeps asking me, "you sure this is your car????" Hmm, let me see, you just told me you know my plate number and I am like 1 fucking block from where you memorized it, what the fuck do you think?
I end up spending an hour with this fucker, frozen to death, accused of driving a stolen vehicle, impersonating myself, having no insurance, having no license, being underage (I don't blame him for that. I am 5' weighing in at about 85 lbs. There's no way I look 29.), and being a drunk driver. On EGG NOG, I might add. Whatever bitch.
I end up with a ticket for WAY expired tags, no proof of insurance and a warning on the not updated license.
Hmm. I am driving a car and I DON'T get a ticket for an up to date DRIVER'S LICENSE?????
Overall, I hate him. If I see him in a bar I will punch is face and bite his nuts.
Officer Fuckface -------->
Mer
The thing that sucks is because I do not participate in the everyday rat race, I do not make a habit of carring my license or proof of insurance. What for? My license is strictly for the entrance to a bar. There is no need for it when I go to work. Or is it?
I notice the bitch following me doing movie star moves and shit trying to be sneaky, so I call Corinthian, my husband, and I'm all I am about to get pulled over so I will be home shortly. Sure enough dude, I turned left and the bitch put his lights on. He introduces himself as "Officer Fuckface," and tells me to get my licence and blah blah. Anyhow, the waste of human creation pulled me over 1 block from my home. He said, "I patrol the area. I know your tags have been out since August. I know your license plate number." Well, what a fucking time waster that must have been, bitch. Way to go on catching the two fucks that hit both my cars one night in front of my house. Seems like you should have been watching out for the hit and runs rather than memorizing my plate number.
He then proceeds to open my door and says, "You don't mind if I reach in the back of your car, do you?" Well, since your fucking hand is already reaching for the back seat, sure!! I look over and the fucker pulls out a bottle of fucking egg nog with the whole nine yards I got from a driver for xmas.
"SHIT."
He then says, "I am having a hard time deciding if this seal has been broken. Hmm." We go through the whole bit, he searches the rest of my car, trunk, abc's, 123's blah blah blah.
Right about now I know I am going to jail.
I am exhausted. Tired as fuck. Just got off a 11 hr shift from work, zero sleep the night before and no cigarrettes. This is finally cleared, I am freezing my ass off because he won't let me close my doors, he keeps asking me, "you sure this is your car????" Hmm, let me see, you just told me you know my plate number and I am like 1 fucking block from where you memorized it, what the fuck do you think?
I end up spending an hour with this fucker, frozen to death, accused of driving a stolen vehicle, impersonating myself, having no insurance, having no license, being underage (I don't blame him for that. I am 5' weighing in at about 85 lbs. There's no way I look 29.), and being a drunk driver. On EGG NOG, I might add. Whatever bitch.
I end up with a ticket for WAY expired tags, no proof of insurance and a warning on the not updated license.
Hmm. I am driving a car and I DON'T get a ticket for an up to date DRIVER'S LICENSE?????
Overall, I hate him. If I see him in a bar I will punch is face and bite his nuts.
Officer Fuckface -------->
Mer
american_exile:
Ahoy! After being maroonedfor a bit, I am pleased to let you know that I have approved your request to come aboard the modern Pirates group ship. Are you ready to set sail with some of the finest seadogs around? Well by all means drop by and say hi sometime 