mephausto

it's late. I should be sleeping.

but. i'm not.

a few pics are in "my pics" now. there may be more later, who knows. we'll see how creative i get in my spare time... right now it's mostly reserved for amplitude and sleep. one just can't resist fun with a fish eye lens, though.

i'll be honest: I do want to fall madly in love. but anymore, it's a slow, enlightening process. what's more, right now life does not feel open to the idea. right now is for exploration. ugh. some days i just get very sick and tired of this whole human thing, I just want it to go away and leave me alone. fucking bullies.

then again, no matter how angry, spiteful, nihlistic I get, I cannot--and I mean I literally cannot--stop caring. I try to control it, but it's like damming a river--sometimes things refuse to cooperate.

maybe it's all for naught; maybe this entire idea is futile, this experiment in living. i'm not one to think about it right now, though.

i'll never get to sleep if i do.