mephausto

it's been coming for a while, exiting the barrel in a slow-motion moment surrounded by stress and change, the weight of various realities and awakenings causing anxiety to be raised and my well-being to become off balance until now I sit with a loss of self, too many doubts and no positive assurances about who I am now, only trying to claw my way back up this muddy hole to who I know I am, to find that confidence, that ease of being, my place of safety and central point of doing, of being, of action, not wanting to feel this strange mire of worry and hopelessness, just to be able to stand on my own two feet at the world's edge again, arms wide, laughing as the wind brings to me the scent of the sea, but instead physical exhaustion brings mental and emotional collapse, leaving me to seek a time to rebuild, to reinvent, to reintroduce me to me, to find out once more what freedom from the self feels like, until then I seek my solace in dreams and sleep, with nothing more but time on my side.