Over Analysis and Bitter Irony
So my current mental state regarding affairs of the heart is somewhat confused, as anyone who has been reading my rambling incoherent statements of general self loathing will know I don't exactly have much luck with the opposite sex. I was discussing this with someone at work the other day and saying how most of the girls I have asked out ( and there aren't loads) generally tend to be ones I don't know too well and thus don't have to think about too much thereby skipping the whole elongated overanalysis I seem to subject things to and fall neatly under the heading of "Fuck it the worse that can happen is she says no" which has happened on numerous occasions to the point where it doesn't really bother me anymore since I'm just used to it. The problem I'm now facing is the recipient of my flowers on Valentines day is someone I've known pretty much since I started my current job which is about 21/2 years. It was one of those odd kind of walk out of the woods to see the trees type of things, there I was moaning about the lack of any potential girlfriend material when it was just staring me in the face all the time. We have the same sort of caustic sarcastic sense of humour, we're constantly talking about how alienated we feel by most of society and just as a bonus she's a quality person and looks damn fine but not in a horrid "look at me" way, which is all really good but another problem has reared it's head and is casting a rather large shadow over the potential happiness. Problem number 1 being that if I ask her out and she says no it's going to have far more impact than any other time I've been turned down and rejected. The other problem and this I think would be a dealbreaker for a lot of people is due to her religious beliefs she doesn't believe in the whole sex before marriage thing and as a not really important aside she doesn't drink either. In case anyone misinterprets this as me having a rant about religion that's not my intent at all I'm not bothered whether someone's a christian,jew, buddhist monk or a worshipper of Tzeentch Changer Of Ways. I don't doubt there's a lot of people who wouldn't even contemplate getting into a relationship without sex, as people who've read any of my stuff before will know I'm not a fan of pointless casual sex which leaves you feeling hollow afterwards. The main question rattling around my cranium at the moment is this "can a relationship still function without sex?". I have to say I'm a bit displeased with the situation at the moment after waiting so long and finding someone who seems right in so many ways only to have some diety from on high point a finger at me and decree "Thou shalt not have sex". When I told someone I work with the dilema I'm facing he said and I quote "So does that mean no blowjobs or what?", I don't think subtlety is his forte.
New Additions
So I got a load of new stuff over the last few weeks, one of the things about having no friends and not going out much is a lot diposable income.
Eisenhorn Omnibus - Dan Abnett
Got this for Christmas and it really is good, it's written by Dan Abnett who's written loads of stuff including The Gaunts Ghosts series. Set in the grim world of Warhammer 40,000 it charts the career of Gregor Eisenhorn an Inquisitor who changes from being a zealous upholder of the truth to collaborating with the very powers he is sworn to destroy. Written in a first person style it really is something you can lose yourself in.
Gotrek And Felix The First Omnibus - William KIng
This is another quality series of books from The Black Library set in the Warhammer world. It tells the story of Gotrek Gurnisson a dwarf trollslayer in search of a worthy opponent to battle to the death to make up for a past sin, along his travels he meets Felix Jaegar the poet son of a wealthy merchant family who on one particularly drunken evening agrees to write an epic poem about Gotreks death and is now honour bound to follow him on his travels despite regretting the pact. With a punchy style and a brilliant touchof black humour this is definately one for fantasy fans.
So my current mental state regarding affairs of the heart is somewhat confused, as anyone who has been reading my rambling incoherent statements of general self loathing will know I don't exactly have much luck with the opposite sex. I was discussing this with someone at work the other day and saying how most of the girls I have asked out ( and there aren't loads) generally tend to be ones I don't know too well and thus don't have to think about too much thereby skipping the whole elongated overanalysis I seem to subject things to and fall neatly under the heading of "Fuck it the worse that can happen is she says no" which has happened on numerous occasions to the point where it doesn't really bother me anymore since I'm just used to it. The problem I'm now facing is the recipient of my flowers on Valentines day is someone I've known pretty much since I started my current job which is about 21/2 years. It was one of those odd kind of walk out of the woods to see the trees type of things, there I was moaning about the lack of any potential girlfriend material when it was just staring me in the face all the time. We have the same sort of caustic sarcastic sense of humour, we're constantly talking about how alienated we feel by most of society and just as a bonus she's a quality person and looks damn fine but not in a horrid "look at me" way, which is all really good but another problem has reared it's head and is casting a rather large shadow over the potential happiness. Problem number 1 being that if I ask her out and she says no it's going to have far more impact than any other time I've been turned down and rejected. The other problem and this I think would be a dealbreaker for a lot of people is due to her religious beliefs she doesn't believe in the whole sex before marriage thing and as a not really important aside she doesn't drink either. In case anyone misinterprets this as me having a rant about religion that's not my intent at all I'm not bothered whether someone's a christian,jew, buddhist monk or a worshipper of Tzeentch Changer Of Ways. I don't doubt there's a lot of people who wouldn't even contemplate getting into a relationship without sex, as people who've read any of my stuff before will know I'm not a fan of pointless casual sex which leaves you feeling hollow afterwards. The main question rattling around my cranium at the moment is this "can a relationship still function without sex?". I have to say I'm a bit displeased with the situation at the moment after waiting so long and finding someone who seems right in so many ways only to have some diety from on high point a finger at me and decree "Thou shalt not have sex". When I told someone I work with the dilema I'm facing he said and I quote "So does that mean no blowjobs or what?", I don't think subtlety is his forte.
New Additions
So I got a load of new stuff over the last few weeks, one of the things about having no friends and not going out much is a lot diposable income.
Eisenhorn Omnibus - Dan Abnett
Got this for Christmas and it really is good, it's written by Dan Abnett who's written loads of stuff including The Gaunts Ghosts series. Set in the grim world of Warhammer 40,000 it charts the career of Gregor Eisenhorn an Inquisitor who changes from being a zealous upholder of the truth to collaborating with the very powers he is sworn to destroy. Written in a first person style it really is something you can lose yourself in.
Gotrek And Felix The First Omnibus - William KIng
This is another quality series of books from The Black Library set in the Warhammer world. It tells the story of Gotrek Gurnisson a dwarf trollslayer in search of a worthy opponent to battle to the death to make up for a past sin, along his travels he meets Felix Jaegar the poet son of a wealthy merchant family who on one particularly drunken evening agrees to write an epic poem about Gotreks death and is now honour bound to follow him on his travels despite regretting the pact. With a punchy style and a brilliant touchof black humour this is definately one for fantasy fans.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
heavenandhell:
Good to hear it. I sincerely hope it all goes well.
fullmoonkisses:
We have a saying up here - "shy bairns get nowt" - so go for it, be positive, and you may be surprised by what happens... 