mentalonmorphine

Maybe it's a good thing nobody reads this. Lol. It's good for venting anyway.

So this morning, I'm driving a 2007 Ford F150 XLT 4X4. God damn, it's sexy.

It's his new baby, but he let me borrow it.

My right palm is itchy.

So I think I might have a reason to stop being jealous about anything. I really don't know why I am. Maybe if I lost a little weight. This morning I sat up and I swear my gut disappeared and I admired it for a bit. He has mirror-closet doors and I leaned back on the bed and pretended it was real. Oh that would be nice. I just can't get into a groove and work out... Hahah.

I'm really feeling Regina Spektor this morning.

Anyway. He's on night shift for 4 days and then he's going out of town for his 4 days off and then he's on day shift for 4 days. He said we could go for lunch these next 4 days. I doubt that's going to happen.
I think we need a break... Again. This might be okay. Sometimes I want to blame this on my pills, but sometimes I think I'm just getting irritated more easily. He doesn't do anything wrong. Some things are just not funny anymore. He says I don't smile anymore. I'm always mad at something.

We went to the bar with my cousin this weekend. Cousin asked this girl at another pool table if we could borrow their cheater stick and she said "What will you give me for it?" He joined in and said it was okay, he already sunk the ball. I stepped over and she walked away. He seemed to think he made her go away. He seemed to think she was hitting on them both. No. She was clearly into cousin. She walked away when she saw me.

Why did he think that?

I think that's the reason I don't like him around certain people. He tries so hard to impress people and then when he's with those certain people it's like they're the only person in the world that he wants to make laugh and be with. And I'm such a bitch.

Lol... Maybe if I were nicer. Maybe if I was into it more. Sex isn't the same... It feels good, I just can't get into it.


I miss my libido. Where did it go?


So maybe 12 days is good. A little break.


I know he talks to everyone the same. He makes the same jokes to everyone. But when he talks to certain people, it seems like he tries a little more.

Why do I feel like that?

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I made an appointment to switch my birth control.


I hate mood swings. I hate being crazy.