memnoch666

Have you ever had a dream that was so perfect that you never wanted to wake up from it? Compared to this dream your life seemed like a nightmare? Throughout the entirety of your dream sequence you were happy. Happy like you can't ever remember being in your waking life? So happy that you would've preferred to have died rather than wake up from the utopia your mind created for you? I had just such a dream last night. I got to hold her close, I got to kiss her on her forehead, and then she told me to kiss her again. It was a dream in which I wasn't second guessing every little thing that I do. A dream where I wasn't even aware of having ever been depressed. A dream where I was sharing my life with someone who loved me as much as I loved her. And I didn't doubt for one second that she loved me. In real life I can't even tell if people like me. In the dream I could see her love for me shining bright and fervently in her eyes. I could see it in the gentle curves of her smile when she told me to kiss her again. And then I woke up. I woke up with tears in my eyes and a sob escaping my throat. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to go back to feeling so fucking alone. All day at work I hid my sadness behind a false smile. And no one saw through the lie. No one saw the pain burning in my eyes. No one could see the tears that threatened once or twice. I was alone again. To suffer inside my mind. To feel all of the old wounds. I was alone while surrounded by hundreds of people. I am always alone. I have always and will always be alone.