i've been having one of those lucid, run-on sort of dreams that start and just keep going, whether you wake up several times or not. and i have. woken up. a lot.
and i loved this boy, once, for about a month and a day- blindly because it was as it was- and he was dating jules. he said that he loved me but loved her more because she was prettier. and all i can remember is being so very upset and jules and i arguing. boy and i arguing, more even. we were all in new orleans. i remember because i worked at the house of blues.
but i remember her face not very clearly. i just remember the stinging words between this boy and i and she... she was just. sort of there, in the background and i was most upset because she'd never have done this to me.. she'd have helped me break him apart..
and then i was in the streets, in the alleys, around a bar that i've dreamed of before with beck.. i got a call that said jules had been hit at a light by a semi truck and was at the hospital. she had barely survived.
i remember my heart leaping in the dream to know that she still lived and i was driving suddenly- fast. for some reason through arkansas to get home.
and i woke up to nothing.
because she isn't barely alive. she isn't alive at all. and i never got that phone call and i never had the hope that when i got home to her, she would still be hanging on with me.
i hate the doctor. i'll call you after, beck. <3
and i loved this boy, once, for about a month and a day- blindly because it was as it was- and he was dating jules. he said that he loved me but loved her more because she was prettier. and all i can remember is being so very upset and jules and i arguing. boy and i arguing, more even. we were all in new orleans. i remember because i worked at the house of blues.
but i remember her face not very clearly. i just remember the stinging words between this boy and i and she... she was just. sort of there, in the background and i was most upset because she'd never have done this to me.. she'd have helped me break him apart..
and then i was in the streets, in the alleys, around a bar that i've dreamed of before with beck.. i got a call that said jules had been hit at a light by a semi truck and was at the hospital. she had barely survived.
i remember my heart leaping in the dream to know that she still lived and i was driving suddenly- fast. for some reason through arkansas to get home.
and i woke up to nothing.
because she isn't barely alive. she isn't alive at all. and i never got that phone call and i never had the hope that when i got home to her, she would still be hanging on with me.
i hate the doctor. i'll call you after, beck. <3
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i hope jeremiah does not show up that night but i bet he will just to make people feel sorry for him even though he's fucked around so much since he killed her and apparently has knocked up micheal foster's sister, for gods sake.
fuck. meh. fuck, meh meh.
i have to go back to work. my boss is talking to me like i'm a resident there and it's pissing me off a lot and i am trying like hell to keep my temper. gr!
i have to call mike in the next week or so to make an appointment for chest or not. i feel extremely guilty about rushing the artist just because i want some pain therapy. you can torture me later and get all your time back. or. you know. i can move and just make it up to you.
madlove. mel