Today was hard. Like a cock.
I went to Tim's memorial service/viewing tonight. I have his suicide letter that was sent to all of his friends. I can't stop reading it over and over again. What sucks is that I have to go to work tomorrow, and know that he won't be there. EVER. AGAIN.
I am going through so many different emotions right now . His letter is haunting my thoughts. His parents had all of his cds in GIANT boxes. Tim sure had a lot of CD's. But alas, music was his passion. It was kinda weird watching everyone at the funeral home looting around in those boxes, digging out CD's to take. I felt dirty and wrong. But, he and I shared alot of the same musical tastes, and I took a cd of his band's and a vincent gallo cd, and a bjork cd. I also took the Clash. I know he would have wanted us to have them, but I still feel wrong about it. Tim, I will miss you. You jerk.
I think my cat is trying to kill me. He keeps trying to walk around my legs, as I am walking near the stairs. He is trying to kill me, so that he can be free to shit where he wants. I just know it.
That cute little bastard.
I am still a zombie right now. I don't know how long it will take to get out of this funk, but I am sure it will be awhile. I don't like for people to see my cry. I put on an "I'm tough, its all cake" front. But really, I am distraught and it is obvious. I let it go as soon as I got to the funeral home, and saw all my coworkers standing in a huddle, surrounded in cigarette smoke. I love you guys. I cried with them. I know he wanted us to not cry over him, and laugh and smile. He thought life was beautiful. Just not his own. It makd me sad. I am also kinda hurt.
If there is an afterlife , Tim. I loved ya. I will miss you.And I WILL go and fuck some shit up for you. I will never forget.
xoxo
Melly
I went to Tim's memorial service/viewing tonight. I have his suicide letter that was sent to all of his friends. I can't stop reading it over and over again. What sucks is that I have to go to work tomorrow, and know that he won't be there. EVER. AGAIN.
I am going through so many different emotions right now . His letter is haunting my thoughts. His parents had all of his cds in GIANT boxes. Tim sure had a lot of CD's. But alas, music was his passion. It was kinda weird watching everyone at the funeral home looting around in those boxes, digging out CD's to take. I felt dirty and wrong. But, he and I shared alot of the same musical tastes, and I took a cd of his band's and a vincent gallo cd, and a bjork cd. I also took the Clash. I know he would have wanted us to have them, but I still feel wrong about it. Tim, I will miss you. You jerk.
I think my cat is trying to kill me. He keeps trying to walk around my legs, as I am walking near the stairs. He is trying to kill me, so that he can be free to shit where he wants. I just know it.
That cute little bastard.
I am still a zombie right now. I don't know how long it will take to get out of this funk, but I am sure it will be awhile. I don't like for people to see my cry. I put on an "I'm tough, its all cake" front. But really, I am distraught and it is obvious. I let it go as soon as I got to the funeral home, and saw all my coworkers standing in a huddle, surrounded in cigarette smoke. I love you guys. I cried with them. I know he wanted us to not cry over him, and laugh and smile. He thought life was beautiful. Just not his own. It makd me sad. I am also kinda hurt.
If there is an afterlife , Tim. I loved ya. I will miss you.And I WILL go and fuck some shit up for you. I will never forget.
xoxo
Melly
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glad you liked the pictures, hopefully they will go up *crosses fingers*