mellisa

my head feels like a giant pile of shit.
im confused
angry
hurt
raging
FUCK

fuck
i love that word

i dont know what im going to do
i dont know what i can and cannot beleive anymore

the illusion my mind creates is only a farce to trick my heart into having hope of something that maybe lost. lost along the night winds that carried the voice that whispered thru the miles and chewed open the core of my soul exposing the bare flesh that would be my heart. instead finding tattered remains, bloody scraps flapping against the wind. gourged with hurt and pain.
and mother fucking anger
GOD DAMIT im MAD AS FUCK

all that hurt from the beginning of this has turned into WHITE HOT FUCKING RAGE

yet
i trembled at the sound of his voice
it weakened me so
my knees shook and the juices oozed to my thighs
my breath caught as i wept
the anger making the love something else. something more

struggling with my inside so trained to respond to him my mind is a useless mass against the pull he has on my being.

confusion runs rampant

i miss xip

and yet another day in paradise.