I think I pissed E off. He called yesterday to wish me a Happy Valentine's day. I was tired and cranky and sick.. fucking cold pissing me off. So I'm half-zoned trying to keep up a conversation without seeming dazed out of my damn mind. Robatussin with codeine makes life nice.
Then he says something about if he doesn't get phased down depending on if he has CQ duty or something he'll be home next saturday. I was like ok that will be nice and then he is all like if I have a bad shift I'll just swap with someone and I'm like don't do that. Come home when you can don't need to change shit around and he gets all defensive. Then I think to myself oh shit he probably thinks I don't want him home or something and it isn't that at all. It's just TIRING when he's home. I'm not sure how to explain that. I just feel drained after he leaves and I do miss him alot but not the stress or the emotional drainage.
Then he goes all I just want to make you happy.. and I'm like fuck not this shit again. So I kinda got aggravated and was like this is not the time to discuss this. We can talk about this when your home don't need to go through this on the damn phone. I was tired I just wanted him to leave me alone so I could curl up in this really cool fleece carebear blanket my Mom made me for heart day lol.
So, I've probably come off as ungrateful, unhappy, bitchy and really bitchy. He is so great to me even with his oft time misguided attempts to be cute, funny or romantical. All I can think of is what the fuck is wrong with me. I have a guy who tries often to show me he loves me and all I can do is bitch. I need to make an actual effort to appreciate this wonderful person that is crazy enough to think I'm wonderful. Luckily he is also very forgiving of my very often bad natured attitude.
Fuck I can't stop coughing, time for some more meds and a nap. I don't think it's been enough time oh well. My body processes medicine like a fat persons processes candy.
Then he says something about if he doesn't get phased down depending on if he has CQ duty or something he'll be home next saturday. I was like ok that will be nice and then he is all like if I have a bad shift I'll just swap with someone and I'm like don't do that. Come home when you can don't need to change shit around and he gets all defensive. Then I think to myself oh shit he probably thinks I don't want him home or something and it isn't that at all. It's just TIRING when he's home. I'm not sure how to explain that. I just feel drained after he leaves and I do miss him alot but not the stress or the emotional drainage.
Then he goes all I just want to make you happy.. and I'm like fuck not this shit again. So I kinda got aggravated and was like this is not the time to discuss this. We can talk about this when your home don't need to go through this on the damn phone. I was tired I just wanted him to leave me alone so I could curl up in this really cool fleece carebear blanket my Mom made me for heart day lol.
So, I've probably come off as ungrateful, unhappy, bitchy and really bitchy. He is so great to me even with his oft time misguided attempts to be cute, funny or romantical. All I can think of is what the fuck is wrong with me. I have a guy who tries often to show me he loves me and all I can do is bitch. I need to make an actual effort to appreciate this wonderful person that is crazy enough to think I'm wonderful. Luckily he is also very forgiving of my very often bad natured attitude.
Fuck I can't stop coughing, time for some more meds and a nap. I don't think it's been enough time oh well. My body processes medicine like a fat persons processes candy.