melitta

I wanna cry out loud
I wanna run away
I wanna go home...

home?
Oh, I forgot I dont have that...

I have 10 years of constant escape behind my back, at the beginning it only could get worse every time and it did, I learned the lessons and I figured my way to a decent-ish life in Spain...

It was always quite clear I didnt fit in, I was a special little girl, but never the way I was expected to be, I had an air of obsession rather than love, obsessed they were, most, not even a few, in love...

Im sitting in a city that I dont know, I have not much to do and ask myself what the fuck am I doing here?
The answer: Im getting married soon...

what is this?
A statement, a commitment, call it the way you want...

what is the story?
I was 16, pure, fresh, naiv, almost a virgin... lost, angry, sad, curious...
So I met this dude on a gig, was quite annoying, was trying to get rid of him all night, but kept coming back, miraculously (note sarcasm) by the end of the concert I found out he was the same guy I met once a while back, that Canadian guy...
I was moving in the city again, to a new place, as my "aunt" had some nasty divorce issues going on and I could not at her place any more...
The place seemed nice at first, brothers friends place, looking forward the parties and all the fun... that never came along... by now I can walk by that street again without the need of throughing up, though never tried walking by the building, might never will...
dark memories are never worth recalling

I was lost for this man (cuz he was a lot older than me), could never understand why he appeared and disappeared, the first time was the worst. I was asking myself why cant he at least tell me to piss off or drop dead or such, my big bro told me the simple reason: guys like to leave that simple pathway back to appear 2 months later with a cheap excuse in order to fuck you again... Surely it was not like that, but that did not save me from what was coming... some months of darkness and lies, nobody knew what was happening, neither did I, till I woke up and spent the following years numb, going with the flow...

Could never deal with the fact that there was no way of seeing him, he was fucking everywhere, and if not surely everybody knew him at least.... I was going home one day when he bumped into me again, by this time I was only slightly annoyed, caused no pain any more...
Another drama came along and the numbness didnt let me stay, I left, I was looking for nothing...

One day I woke up again and there was no numbness any more, I went down the street and looked at myself and asked where are my clothes? where am I?
I made a decision, I was not going back...
Fucked up, without money, then She came along, the one who always and will ever love me, no matter what happens, I went home with Her and stayed there, then She stayed with me, I had a certain something I considered home, built up a life...

I left all to be with him...