melitta

Life for me is ending in the city where I was born...
The streets are staring at me from a certain distance, I dont belong here any more...
Still I dont know if I belong to Barcelona so far, all seems so fragile, actually already broken...
I feel so theatric, it might be because of my overdosis of cabret music lately...
I should give up, but I cannot... my life cannot end with finding a kind of a nice boyfriend, getting or not getting married and forgetting about who I were before, or who I was about to become...

Coming to Spain was a great step in my life... As a matter of fact Ive always been an extremely shy girl, when I was 10 I could start crying when a boy said something to me... I couldnt live in small town, I did everything to get back to the city and I did get back there, but it was not enough. There were certain moments when I thought Budapest could be the right city, but I was terribly wrong... I coulnt face my past on every corner...At the age of 19 I was done here, but then came the university, a boyfriend and the greyness of the everyday misery...
Years of earning money for other people and for other things... made no sense...

Now after 2 years in Barcelona I came back, not really to clean up the mess I left, just to get through my past, maybe not even this, who knows why...

Its like meeting an old love, not even lover, who seems all of a sudden old and used, even ugly, and you cannot say anything to him, because theres nothing to say any more