Thursday Sep 08, 2005

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in order to not feel bad, i've decided to not feel anything at all... think that's healthy?
oh, i know it's not... but i'm too good at it now...
pretty soon i'll be able to walk through fire without so much as a sigh...

my dilemma...
i want to be in love...
although, i hate being in love... i want to be in love...
i don't have anyone to be in love with, because the understanding is clear between myself and the one i spend some of my time with...
so don't you worry sweetness... wink i won't complicate your life any further...
but, that doesn't mean i don't want to be in love, with someone...
i want that stupid feeling in my stomach... i want to say words that i would make fun of from any other mouth than ours...
i want to know someone wants me around... always, not just when it's easier to be together than to be alone...

i want to be honest with myself...

and here's where it gets scary...
i've seen you all in love, and i've seen you all become one... and i've witnessed you fall apart little by little...
i've seen love die an agonizing death... i've seen love fail...
i'm not jealous of them, living their lives with those memories...
and not knowing how to get those feelings back...

it must be much worse to try to figure out how not to let it fail again...
it must be much better to not let love happen again...

is it really safe to let yourself love like that?
surreal
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
funkabella:
"I would think that i would hurt more if i was in love with the guy i'm dating, because i know he's not at that place in his life right now... and it doesn't seem he ever will be. " ok lol are we seeing the same boy? LOL no but yeah im RITE THERE. and it hurts yeah, but being with him feels so good that i kinda just blur out the rest. i keep trying. and i knwo you dont know my whole story but you can hear it sometime if youd like lol or one or the roomies could fill you in...you just gotta keep trying. what else is there to do? kiss kiss take care of yourself kiddo, and i hope we get to meet soon. grrrr. how is it that my hair is still turning things blue even though i didnt take a shower OR have wet hair last nite, i woke up to an omg your pillowcase is blue.......? from my LOVELY blue hair lol
ok we will talk on yahoo now that i see you there kiss much luv to you kiddo have a wicked weekend.
angie~
unique3:
I think it is better. for some people it just doesnt happen, either they dont let themselves feel so unconditonally or for whatever reason it doesnt happen.

But personally, I'd rather fall in love and have it fail and pick myself back up, go on with my life..then to never have had that expirence.

I honestly believe whatever kills us makes us stronger. cheesy saying but it's true. you can either let something destroy you or choose to move on and live the rest of your life.

I think you'll find someone. from what little I've been around you you seem great.

It's tricky to let yourself be open to thoes scary feelings but yet not run head first and fall down the hill so to speak.

if you let it, it'll happen. with the right person, at the right time. you just gotta let go and let it happen. wink

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