meldarko

damn this is going to take a while to heal... i'm sorry for reverting to the sad mel... i have a good reason...
i said i couldn't go on as one of many... because i was falling... and that it was over... i was through with watching the self destruction...
and he was honest and said that he couldn't give me what i was dying to have...
and it hurts so fucking bad...
it's for the best because he wasn't right for me... but the dreams i built will take a lot of effort to deconstruct...
i don't have to work so hard at convincing myself that i was ok, and not in love... because i'm going to be ok... and i will fall in love again... with someone who will love me...
for now though... everything reminds me of him... and oh god... i've got to let myself cry this out...
i hoped so badly that he would walk back in that door and hold me and tell me all i wanted to hear...
but he didn't... because he couldn't... he didn't feel that... and i'm grateful... because if he had given me the movie script ending... it would've been more lies...
i will heal... i will find love... but for now, i will love myself enough to stay away from men for awhile...
see you all when i'm cured...