melantha

I was very stupid last night.

You ever just feel the need to get drunk? I think it hits most people at least occasionally. Nevermind all the holiday crap, and my friend annoying the hell out of me between waiting till 2 days before Christmas to tell me he was leaving me behind, and doing at least one other thing this month that really upset me. I just felt like getting drunk, because I haven't been in at least 8 years. In those 8 years, I've only been tipsy 2 or 3 times. I've always had a very high tolerance for alcohol, and until this year, I've generally only drunk maybe twice a year.

Then take into account my meds.. then that I hadn't slept for at least 2 days before this. And apparently I was coming down with something, too. So I got drunker than I realized. I also had my first blackout. As in, I have no idea what the fuck I did. But the only person in this area that I know and who will hang out with me was over.. we've only hung out a few times, and I haven't felt safe yet calling him a friend. I remember a bizarre topic, the third movie ending, and then him commenting about just wanting to be friends... I don't know what I did to bring that comment around.

Yes, this is the sort of case where most people laugh it off because they were drunk and these things happen... but I can't help wondering what the hell I did, and I haven't gotten the answer from him yet. Whatever I did, it was obviously nothing like me, because only gay guys have ever felt the need to tell me they only wanted to be friends, and only because they mistook my comfiness as hitting on them. At least every other time I've screwed up, I had some idea what I did. And I don't forget, so having that gap is disturbing.