melancholycoma

Dark skies usually lift my spirits, the cold makes me want to cuddle like cats and watch the rain. How many kisses have I experienced while the rain hit the window. So many different memories, good, or bad, memories still, I can't help but sift through them like an old deck of cards. Punching and kicking these uncalled for emotions, the past is the past, if you think of them more then the day you're living, does that mean you long to be back in that long ago situation?

So I put on music, a faster drum beat then usual, hoping my heart will speed up with the rhythm. But all of these notes and voices just stream different moments I've lived through and swore I had overcome. The weather, like this morose feeling, is wearing me like an old pair of shoes that no longer click when you walk. I need to get my mind off these things that not only at the time made me suffer, but stop remembering them as a good memory.

Sometimes it is easy to forget why I am here now, and not where I was before. I'm not sure why I want to cry, but I won't. I can't. I just want these months to be over. I suppose this music is scratching at my heart like a nightmare you can't escape. This is my reality, I must forget about old lips and fingertips. I am no longer the girl I was years ago, even months, weeks, and days ago. Everyday I become someone new, a new being, all I can do is hope I become a better person for myself. I cannot play a role I know nothing about. And for that, all I can do is breath.

Erin