been crying a lot lately. for reasons unknown. well.. ok, if I really poke at them long enough I'm sure I could figure it out. Too time consuming. So I'd rather stay in my "i don't know what's wrong" confused bliss.
I fucking detest my job... well, my boss. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel myself going sour.. becoming ultra bitter. It bothers me because I don't want something so petty as THIS to ruin me. Frustrating.
my objective is to gain knowledge about anything and everything which amuses and/or interests me. this involves putting myself through unpleasant experiences. it allows me to relate to and help others when i know more about whats wrong. i want to take pain and analyze, interpret, experience... so that you don't have to. it seems fortold that this would happen. if i pause for a moment and detach myself... i feel clarity. calmness. and i know what to do next. without really knowing. its abstract. every attempt to label it leads to frustration. discomfort. ever changing. i've got the vision, and verbal definitons don't fit.
I just bit my tongue and it hurts like a motherfucker.
Ruby just said "remember when we liked the yeah yeah yeahs that one week last summer? that was the shortest week of our lives!" it made me laugh. of course, that was the week BEFORE i heard more than a whole one of their songs. ha ha.
A loud boom just made itself heard outside just now.. erm... current status: spooked.
My cramps are a little more than I can comfortably handle right now. I think I might go try soaking in a hot bath (that is NEVER effective) recommended by my gyno. H-O-P-E. - it always fails me.
Someone online told me recently "Part of relaxation is accepting the pain you are feeling. Do not moan about it or try to ignore it, instead recognize it and try to relax into it. This doesn't mean you should try to make yourself feel worse than you already do, it means you should say to yourself "yes, this is my pain, this is how big it is, I accept it, and now I'm going to relax." I know this sounds weird, but it really helps if you are having a rough time with cramps."
I'll give it a shot.
choking on all my contradictions,
Erin
I fucking detest my job... well, my boss. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel myself going sour.. becoming ultra bitter. It bothers me because I don't want something so petty as THIS to ruin me. Frustrating.
my objective is to gain knowledge about anything and everything which amuses and/or interests me. this involves putting myself through unpleasant experiences. it allows me to relate to and help others when i know more about whats wrong. i want to take pain and analyze, interpret, experience... so that you don't have to. it seems fortold that this would happen. if i pause for a moment and detach myself... i feel clarity. calmness. and i know what to do next. without really knowing. its abstract. every attempt to label it leads to frustration. discomfort. ever changing. i've got the vision, and verbal definitons don't fit.
I just bit my tongue and it hurts like a motherfucker.
Ruby just said "remember when we liked the yeah yeah yeahs that one week last summer? that was the shortest week of our lives!" it made me laugh. of course, that was the week BEFORE i heard more than a whole one of their songs. ha ha.
A loud boom just made itself heard outside just now.. erm... current status: spooked.
My cramps are a little more than I can comfortably handle right now. I think I might go try soaking in a hot bath (that is NEVER effective) recommended by my gyno. H-O-P-E. - it always fails me.
Someone online told me recently "Part of relaxation is accepting the pain you are feeling. Do not moan about it or try to ignore it, instead recognize it and try to relax into it. This doesn't mean you should try to make yourself feel worse than you already do, it means you should say to yourself "yes, this is my pain, this is how big it is, I accept it, and now I'm going to relax." I know this sounds weird, but it really helps if you are having a rough time with cramps."
I'll give it a shot.
choking on all my contradictions,
Erin