melancholycoma

gonna be a long one..sigh.

i hate the fact that i would bleed myself dry for you [again] and you are too tired to hang around when i need company the most. know that : i will not forget last night. and remember this : do not ever call me when i am stuck in an emotional rut at midnight. because, if you cannot listen to me scream, then i will be damned if i will listen to you tear up on the other end of a phone line.

i really forgot how good it felt to leave everything so much behind. i will take a bathtub full of blood over the residence in my last house anyday.

i went on a solo drive last night. it was nice though i was it was shared with someone.. anyone..? i wish there was a livejournal community of people asking random anyones to come to their city and have coffee with them at midnight. i would get on a bus after a short screening process, really. i need some new midnight friends. i need some one-time conversations and insomnia support groups. i cannot believe i can drive through this entire city at the clever hour of 12, i swear, there are no lights. how is everyone asleep? and then i think maybe some of the things i have seen on this earliest time of morning drives are meant to be kept as my secrets.

natural energy source? sexual fucking tension. really, think about it. if you think about sometimes how badly you want someone who just is not close enough, does it not feel like you could light up all of new york? it is bodyfire.

i really like people who take chances on me. i need some more of those in my life. i really like emails, phone calls, and invitations from [at the time] strangers.

..and as for you, [irefrainfromusingnames] i would have never imagined you as huge a disappointment as you have turned out to be.

love sometimes turns perfectly fine people into shells of their former selves. like those of locusts in fall. let them crunch under my heavy, worn step.

i think i've said enough, if not too much.

turning cursive letters into knives,
Erin