i was talking (listening) to a guy at work today, who indirectly offered some pretty good advice.
we've recently moved to an open plan office, so i've gone from sitting in an empty room for most of the week to being surrounded by at least ten people every day. its odd, and means a lot less facebooking during the working hours, but you get to make new friends and i now get the odd cup of tea made for me (albeit badly!) so thats got to be appreciated
of course, the biscuits don't last as long...
anyway, this man likes to talk, and i like to listen, so in short- through his complicated life i begin to appreciate my own a lot more i wont go into his personal life, because even anonymously thats kinda rude, but this man has many partners of both sexes, who also have many partners, who also have many partners, and he knows most of them. what he was describing was like a free for all neighbourhood cult, a telephone tree with a difference 
hell, i'm not one to judge. i found the whole thing quite intriguing (no, not in that way) but this whole affair of his came about from a life changing moment (great story!) that he wasn't happy, and wasn't the kind of guy who was in for marriage, and that he had a lot of feelings and emotions that he hadn't- but wanted to- explore. i mean it doesn't interest me in the slightest, its fucking complicated, and i've no idea how trust and jealousy goes about its every day pace, but good for him.
and being the kind of lady who can adorn an emerald eye when she needs to, i enquired as to how jealousy is resolved in polyamourous relationships. i mean of course it must occur, we're only human.
yes of course it occurs, and quite badly for some people it seems. but the relationship sustains because, at least for these examples, there is no commitment involved. it is hard to describe this without putting a monogamous relationship in a very bad light (which i definately don't believe it belongs in) but there is a sense of um...duty (?) that can be quite lonely in the rocky times of a relationship. you feel jealous, you've got to accept it and move on, or literally move on. i guess in some poly relationships there must be a fair bit of getting your own back....
point being, (a blog- with a point?) that relationships, as like the rest of life it seems, fail to be black and white. there's no right way for people to work, and there's no rule thats going to neatly package a two, three, four or seventeen person relationship. but, between you, you must work out where lies the point that you are both happy- compromise on the aspects which bother you, and if you can't, go.
but most of all, realise your own point of happiness and know what it is that you need to find in order to achieve that. i know this stuff isn't rocket science, but i guess i need reminding every now and then.
we've recently moved to an open plan office, so i've gone from sitting in an empty room for most of the week to being surrounded by at least ten people every day. its odd, and means a lot less facebooking during the working hours, but you get to make new friends and i now get the odd cup of tea made for me (albeit badly!) so thats got to be appreciated
of course, the biscuits don't last as long...anyway, this man likes to talk, and i like to listen, so in short- through his complicated life i begin to appreciate my own a lot more
i wont go into his personal life, because even anonymously thats kinda rude, but this man has many partners of both sexes, who also have many partners, who also have many partners, and he knows most of them. what he was describing was like a free for all neighbourhood cult, a telephone tree with a difference hell, i'm not one to judge. i found the whole thing quite intriguing (no, not in that way) but this whole affair of his came about from a life changing moment (great story!) that he wasn't happy, and wasn't the kind of guy who was in for marriage, and that he had a lot of feelings and emotions that he hadn't- but wanted to- explore. i mean it doesn't interest me in the slightest, its fucking complicated, and i've no idea how trust and jealousy goes about its every day pace, but good for him.
and being the kind of lady who can adorn an emerald eye when she needs to, i enquired as to how jealousy is resolved in polyamourous relationships. i mean of course it must occur, we're only human.
yes of course it occurs, and quite badly for some people it seems. but the relationship sustains because, at least for these examples, there is no commitment involved. it is hard to describe this without putting a monogamous relationship in a very bad light (which i definately don't believe it belongs in) but there is a sense of um...duty (?) that can be quite lonely in the rocky times of a relationship. you feel jealous, you've got to accept it and move on, or literally move on. i guess in some poly relationships there must be a fair bit of getting your own back....
point being, (a blog- with a point?) that relationships, as like the rest of life it seems, fail to be black and white. there's no right way for people to work, and there's no rule thats going to neatly package a two, three, four or seventeen person relationship. but, between you, you must work out where lies the point that you are both happy- compromise on the aspects which bother you, and if you can't, go.
but most of all, realise your own point of happiness and know what it is that you need to find in order to achieve that. i know this stuff isn't rocket science, but i guess i need reminding every now and then.
Happy birthday!!