I was never a real believer. Even as a child religion never had much of a grip on me.
I remember sitting in an outdoor mass in northern Wisconsin at about age nine or ten when the priest was reading part of the Gospel where Jesus referred to those who had lukewarm faith. I was thinking to myself that I was kind of lukewarm and thought that might be OK until the priest came to the part about spitting that lukewarm warm thing out. It was a bit of a shock to me. I didnt think I deserved to be spit out for not being consumed by faith.
Another shock came the night I first had sex. It felt so great and I was so touched afterward that I wondered almost immediately "How could this be a sin?"
Later I thought about the sin of disbelief. I wondered how could a God devoted to love condemn his creation to hell for not believing in him. It seemed to me that it was Gods responsibility to make his presence known. If he was playing some sort of sick game like this, then he must not be such a thing of love. It seemed he must really be consumed more by hate and pettiness. Then it occurred to me that if that were the sort of God we had then we should all reject him and let him suffer the pain of seeing his would-be worshipers scorn him from the fires of hell. I realized we could get revenge on God. Up until this point, I rather wished I could believe and was a bit envious of those who did, but that started to shift with this revelation.
Later I began to consider what usefulness my faith or non-faith could hold for the Universe. I couldnt create God by believing in him, and if he existed my lack of faith couldnt destroy him. At that point I began to realize that faith, God and religion were really pretty irrelevant from a metaphysical and practical standpoint. Later Confucius observation about what a waste of time it is to worry about the supernatural when you have enough real issues to think about reinforced this point.
Finally, the Religious Right and my time in the war in Afghanistan really began to end it for me. Seeing how much suffering and bigotry was caused by faith in something that probably didn't exist really forced me to come to terms with what had be simmering in the back of my mind. Reading "Letter to a Christian Nation" sealed the deal. Throwing aside the chains of God was the most liberating and spiritual thing that ever happened to me. Astronomy magazine is now for me much more spiritual experience than anything that could be provided by the Bible. I still feel that some of the stories in the Bible can be moving and that the Gospels have use as literature, but I can feel the same way about the Greek myths without having to believe in Zeus and Poseidon.
I remember sitting in an outdoor mass in northern Wisconsin at about age nine or ten when the priest was reading part of the Gospel where Jesus referred to those who had lukewarm faith. I was thinking to myself that I was kind of lukewarm and thought that might be OK until the priest came to the part about spitting that lukewarm warm thing out. It was a bit of a shock to me. I didnt think I deserved to be spit out for not being consumed by faith.
Another shock came the night I first had sex. It felt so great and I was so touched afterward that I wondered almost immediately "How could this be a sin?"
Later I thought about the sin of disbelief. I wondered how could a God devoted to love condemn his creation to hell for not believing in him. It seemed to me that it was Gods responsibility to make his presence known. If he was playing some sort of sick game like this, then he must not be such a thing of love. It seemed he must really be consumed more by hate and pettiness. Then it occurred to me that if that were the sort of God we had then we should all reject him and let him suffer the pain of seeing his would-be worshipers scorn him from the fires of hell. I realized we could get revenge on God. Up until this point, I rather wished I could believe and was a bit envious of those who did, but that started to shift with this revelation.
Later I began to consider what usefulness my faith or non-faith could hold for the Universe. I couldnt create God by believing in him, and if he existed my lack of faith couldnt destroy him. At that point I began to realize that faith, God and religion were really pretty irrelevant from a metaphysical and practical standpoint. Later Confucius observation about what a waste of time it is to worry about the supernatural when you have enough real issues to think about reinforced this point.
Finally, the Religious Right and my time in the war in Afghanistan really began to end it for me. Seeing how much suffering and bigotry was caused by faith in something that probably didn't exist really forced me to come to terms with what had be simmering in the back of my mind. Reading "Letter to a Christian Nation" sealed the deal. Throwing aside the chains of God was the most liberating and spiritual thing that ever happened to me. Astronomy magazine is now for me much more spiritual experience than anything that could be provided by the Bible. I still feel that some of the stories in the Bible can be moving and that the Gospels have use as literature, but I can feel the same way about the Greek myths without having to believe in Zeus and Poseidon.