mei

The phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Angela!"
"Oh, hi," I say to the man whose voice i cannot identify. But surely he knows me, because he uses my name so confidently. He continues speaking in a heavy drawl, so heavy that I think it must be fake.
"I'm calling on behalf of the Volunteer Firefighters of America, Angela. We just wanted to make sure that you've checked your smoke detector recently, because if your smoke detector doesn't work, Angela, it can't save you and your family in the event of a fire. We're also asking for donations today, to help those who have been injured in fires. You can donate either $35 or $25. Which can you afford, Angela?" He's used my name three times in his short spiel. I don't understand how he knew who picked up the phone. He said it with such surety, like he'd known me his whole life. Like an uncle who knew me as a child. I feel sorry that I'm so poor, because I'd like to give money to him.
"Well, actually, I don't know how I'm going to afford rent this month, so I unfortunately can't donate to you right now."
"Oh. You live out there in Portland Oregon. I hear the unemployment is real bad out there." He's still drawling, so it's not some canned sympathy tactic for his little speech. And he actually sounds like he cares, instead of being disappointed that I won't give him money.
"Yes, it's quite bad. There are lots of people who aren't even reporting - they've given up."
"Oregon's the largest state... with unemployment.. that bad.." He meant to say 'with the largest unemployment rate' but misspoke. He goes on, though, undaunted. "I think the second is Nebraska." I'm amused. For some reason, Nebraska is funny. The ony thing I ever remember about Nebraska is trying to memorize state capitals. My dad helped me think up mnemonics for every state. "President Lincoln is sad because he has No-bra(ska)." I was still young enough that even the mention of underclothing was taboo; maybe that's why it stuck in my mind.
"Yes, it's bad everywhere." My responses sound so canned to me, like I should be more empathetic, like maybe I should have a drawl too. I sound sterile, like I should be the phone solicitor, not him. "It sounds like a great cause, I'm sorry I can't give anything."
"Oh, that's fine. You just work on doing what you need to do. I wish you good luck. May God bless you and your husband in many, many ways." We say goodbye to each other. Now I'm outright grinning. I love it when strangers wish God's blessings on me. Sincerely, not as a synonym for "gesundheit." I feel like the blessings are some sort of gauzy tangible thing, settling around me, making everything better. I don't believe in God, but I do believe in people with heavy soft drawls wishing me blessings.


in other news, i had a dream last night that my set went up today, but that the colors were all wrong and everything was off-center. now i just want the set to go up so i can check on it. i'm sure that everything's ok, but dreams have that effect of making one feel slightly unsettled.

i got up briefly, and then jumped back in bed this morning. i gave my warm boy a hug, and shut my eyes momentarily. there, behind my eyes, was an image. now, this happens a lot, but it's usually easily traceable to something. like i see fireworks or ants or flowers if i've just been looking at them. but no; now i see asparagus. a bunch of asparagus all tied together - but it's alive. the little stalks are tentacles or something, writhing around like medusa's snakes. i don't think it has eyes or a mouth, but it's definitely alive. strange. i did eat asparagus yesterday, but it wasn't an octopus asparagus creature or anything.

i feel better today. i suppose i damn well better - it's my birthday! i think i'm going to go try to wake up my boy and have him make me lunch.