mei

in my office at school, and supposedly working on my thesis. oh well, at least i did a couple of hours - wrote a page and modified a lot of stuff.. and i'll do more when i get home, but it's more important for me to study for my german test, i think. *sigh* my thesis is such a behemoth right now. and i know that it needs a lot of work, but i don't know what to do to it. i'm no good at this editing shit - usually i just write papers and turn them in as-is. it's worked quite nicely so far..

i have a quilt in here, it's a puff-quilt that my grandma made. a puff-quilt is made out of hundreds and hundreds of tiny pillows, each constructed separately, and then it's all put together into a huge heavy pillowy thing. it's great for my office, because it's warm and nice, but it's also like having a little mattress. napping for mei is good..

there are a couple of old tulips in a clear plastic cup on my windowsil. all of the water has evaporated, and the leaves have turned a crackly tan. they look like the color i imagine communion wafers to be, even though i've never seen one. one of them is deep violet, and the other is magenta and white striped. strangely, the petals kept their vivid color even as the flowers died. one of the flowers is reaching towards the window, petals splayed, as if the light could have rescued it. a strangely poignant gesture, like the outstretched hand of a child, caught in an avalanche and now frozen. the other curls in on itself, as though it's attempting to conserve body heat. i'm glad i didn't throw them away as soon as they started to wither; they have a certain beauty this way too.

outside of the window, it's black black black except for the streetlight shining on the trunk of a nearby tree. there is no wind, and everything looks so still.

i can see my reflection in the window, superimposed over the branches. if i focus on the window, i'm clearer, but if i focus on the tree i become a blur of eyes and hair. i dissipate into thin air.

we ate steak tonight. it was good, but it was basically cold in the middle. i'm all for rare steak, but this was a little too rare. i ate lots of veggies, though, which is better for me than the steak even if it was done perfectly. i should just become a vegetarian for awhile and see how my tummy takes it. i think it'd be much happier.

i'll go home and go to bed soon.. sleep is a better preparation for tests than studying, usually.

piece of infor-mei-tion for you: on warm nights, i like to sleep with my head on the windowsill and my arms out the window. warm breezes as you fall asleep are a wonderful thing.

*sigh*

maybe if i talk about summer as if it was already here it'll BE here. a couple of springtimes ago, i bleached my hair out and wore lots of blue and white - to show the sky how to look. yellow sun, blue sky, white clouds. maybe i'll end up with a fiery red sun now..