mei

the sun was out today. really out, not just peeking. i sat outside in boxer shorts and a too-big t-shirt. knees together, feet pigeon-toed.. my favorite way to sit.. ultimate little kidlet. the sun warms like nothing else, really. not a fireplace, not a vent. those are both nice, but different. the sun makes cigarette smoke smell different to me. i don't mind it so much.

i was sitting inside, looking out the window. neighborhood kids splashed in an inflatable pool in our backyard, four year old girls with their poochy tummies and boundless enthusiasm; six year old boys running around the yard finding ways to outdo one another. the sky was deep bright blue, the sun was uninterrupted. i think it was late july. i was nine, just old enough to wear my mother's cast-off cotton sundresses. they were worn, and too big, but made me feel older. i had long, childsoft gold hair, and my mother was french braiding it. there was nothing especially memorable about the moment; just another summer day. but i was perfectly happy. and the sun was in my eyes, but i could still see clearly.

i smell like myrrh and vanilla today. it's one of those scents that catches in your throat for a moment. warm.

i slept on the couch again last night.. it's like sleeping on an immense puppydog or something, so warm and soft and inviting. i don't mind being relegated to the couch when it's so pleasant to sleep on..

i have to go to the store now; i need a new pot for one of my plants. then i'm going to drink 151 and vanilla coke - which was the plan for last night, but didn't happen then.

oh, and regarding yesterday's post and a number of other recent posts: sorry i'm a moody bitch lately. that's just the way i am.. and sometimes it makes me write better.. sometimes..

but i'm not moody now, unless an upswing counts as moody..