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mei

SG Since 2002

Followers 2315 Following 37

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Tuesday Apr 01, 2003

Apr 1, 2003
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what it looks like when i press the heels of my hands to my eyes:
it's all black for a second, then blue and yellow blobs of light begin floating. something that looks like a cross between lightening and tentacles kind of appears in the middle, pushing the lights out of the way. it's dark yellow, i think the color called "maize" in the crayon box. as it writhes, geometrical boxes appear and begin fading into one another. they're squares divided into four triangles, each triangle striped alternatingly black and yellowy towards the center. this all undulates for a bit, and then little bits of black with tiny pinpoints of light begin to show through, holes appearing in the geometric part like the edges of a piece of burnt film. they take over, widening and widening, until it's all black, with tiny little colored stars; red, blue, green, yellow. i've always thought of it as night falling behind my eyes; it's peaceful. my eyes ache, but it makes me a little calmer.

i know that i can't effectively describe that, but i can try, dammit!

i'm happy today. i took a german test, and i think i did ok. i'm skipping school tomorrow to go to a career fair, so i don't really have any homework to do. maybe i'll go to bed early! maybe i'll go shopping! or just sit here on sg all evening; me and my sweetie, each on a laptop. he codes and reads news, i talk to you peoples and play games. the typical scene at my house.

i wore my special 70s rockstar outfit to school today (but i had a coat over it because it was cold, so nobody saw..) it's a strapless stretchy denim pantsuit. it's AWESOME. it has a little thin leather cord for a belt. i always feel like i've got a secret, like i'm wearing a superhero costume under my real clothes, when i'm wearing this. like i'm going stand up in the middle of class, and rip off my coat, and say "by god, what am i doing here? i belong in studio 54, being debaucherous with other rockstars! up, up, and away!!"

the sky is that perfect bright light grey that turns a million colors if you look at it for long enough. i hate overcast skies, but there's always something pretty to find..

there's a billboard near downtown that says "jesus loved us this much." and it has a silhouette of the crucifixion. the only thing i can think when i drive past that billboard is how when a kid's trying to express something he holds his arm wide. "i caught a fish THIS big!" "i love mommy THIS much!" and poor jesus is making the same gesture, only he's nailed that way. crucified openarmed. such strange symbolism when you look at it like that.

in other news, i like hats and chrysanthemums, hot showers and pie. and life. i'd prefer to think of it that way, if i was going to. jesus seems like a smart, peaceful man. i'd like to give him a flower and a piece of pie instead of thinking of him dying in pain.

sleep tight, kiddos.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
stickyrice:
Another journal entry loaded with feel-good Gemuetlichkeit. (Note to Spooky: equip site with umlaut capability.)

What kind of pie do you think Jesus would like?
Apr 2, 2003
cobalt:
Another supurb entery, Mei! First paragraph reminded me of the more prosaic side of Samuel Delany's work. Would really love to see a picture of the 70's rockstar/superhero oufit...sounds pretty savage.
Apr 2, 2003

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