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mei

SG Since 2002

Followers 2315 Following 37

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Monday Oct 06, 2003

Oct 6, 2003
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i'm just not cut out to do anything stressful. shaky arms. blurred vision. echoes of my heartbeats vibrate through my body, like opening a door without any grease on the hinges that doesn't squeak quite yet. just breathe deeply and it will go away - but it doesn't. stupid housing stuff. this is all from calling my possible new landlord to ask about the status of my application. how did i get to be such a wuss?

i'm tired of trying to play adult. i'm too poor for it. i'm not smart with my money, with my emotions, with my life. if i walk around an empty house, my footsteps deafen me. so why am i going to try to live alone? maybe i live for the distraction of skin against skin. what would be wrong with that?

some sort of brain-cleansing activity should occur. stick a hose in my ear and watch the dirt on the concrete structures disappear. i need to quit living like i'm in transition. settle down, right here. quit waiting for the next big thing - it's not coming today, so i should focus on what IS coming. which is work and sleep and maybe some time-wasting in between.

VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
rockmusicdragoon:
I understand where you're coming from. If you're always waiting for something new to come along, you feel like you're floating and nothing is permanent. It's hard to make decisions that way because you think "Hey, I might want to do something different tommorrow, so why make anything permanent?"

I don't have any answers, but I feel like you do. So, don't give up, and if it helps any, lots of us feel like you do.

- Jason
Oct 8, 2003
thi3veslikeus:
Did you get through gravitys rainbow this summer as planned? i struggled through it but am not sure it was entirely worth the effort.
Oct 8, 2003

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