my eyes sting. i keep trying to look at things, but before i can focus clearly my eyes tear up and everything blurs, my view of the world coalescing and then dripping down my face.
dry eyes cried. past tense, they should be done crying but they physically hold onto it. i have to keep blinking.
and you know what happens whenever i get grumpy....
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dry eyes cried. past tense, they should be done crying but they physically hold onto it. i have to keep blinking.
and you know what happens whenever i get grumpy....
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
rubbersoul:
You only think you remember. The mind plays funny tricks like that.
nopantsdave:
You could always post your thesis on here.....we'll be happy to comment on it.
*sigh*
not working... i'm such an irresponsible mei. got up at 3, and still haven't done anything. i'll work all night, though.
the only two consciously bad things i ever did as a child..:
when i was five, i got really angry at my sister for not sharing the crayons. we kept the crayons in a big shoebox - there must've been hundreds of them....
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not working... i'm such an irresponsible mei. got up at 3, and still haven't done anything. i'll work all night, though.
the only two consciously bad things i ever did as a child..:
when i was five, i got really angry at my sister for not sharing the crayons. we kept the crayons in a big shoebox - there must've been hundreds of them....
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
voltaire:
I asked because your journal says you are going to work all night .... now I know it's going to be on school work....
xmt:
i was one of those good kids too. i was in trouble for things i didn't do , more than the things i did.
once i threw shampoo in my brothers eyes for peeing in the tub one too many times.
i got it good for that one.
i don't actually remember that. i've been told.(repressed memory)
i should mention that this was a really long time ago. i don't take baths with my brother anymore.
really.
once i threw shampoo in my brothers eyes for peeing in the tub one too many times.
i got it good for that one.
i don't actually remember that. i've been told.(repressed memory)
i should mention that this was a really long time ago. i don't take baths with my brother anymore.
really.
showered and slept and feeling much more like a human being again..
there's a blue blanket over my bedroom window. it casts a slight light over the whole room, colored like frosty breath. it doesn't keep it quite dark enough, but that's ok. it's not healthy to live in a cave.
i need a massage. badly. my muskles are all knotted up and squirrelly now....
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there's a blue blanket over my bedroom window. it casts a slight light over the whole room, colored like frosty breath. it doesn't keep it quite dark enough, but that's ok. it's not healthy to live in a cave.
i need a massage. badly. my muskles are all knotted up and squirrelly now....
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
r_dominique:
i would say also that at twenty-one i noticed a rise in the number of times per day i could not recall a word i once used often in conversation. it was very disturbing... all my friends noticed it after their 21st birthdays as well. and i can no longwer sleep on any surface i choose, with or without all my clothes on. 
so (on another topic) i read your comments in the thread on drugs and drinking, and i think you are very bright. i'm sure you won't have any trouble finding any number of folks to rub your lovely back, clever girl.
so (on another topic) i read your comments in the thread on drugs and drinking, and i think you are very bright. i'm sure you won't have any trouble finding any number of folks to rub your lovely back, clever girl.
stormy:
you are oh so gorgeous. *le sigh* i cant wait for your set to go up....
up all night for the first time in god knows how long. as in all night actually DOING something instead of just staying up because i can't sleep. went to the pool hall formal tonight. we thought we might make it into finals, but we're just slightly too out of practice. oh well. we didn't play that badly - just didn't play that well either....
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
stickyrice:
Also, it's a big problem when the eye-contact-without-speaking incidents with the same person start adding up; it becomes exponentially harder to speak.
I'd drive you to Portland but it's a few hundred miles away.
I'd drive you to Portland but it's a few hundred miles away.
claudia:
did you go to reed last year?! cause i sure don't remember seeing you, and your face strikes me as one that i would have trouble forgetting.
crazy connect-the-dots brain today. synapses zapping metaphors around the deep structures. my thoughts a fleet of small birds, blackspotting the sky. dewdrops clinging to a hundred tangled spiderwebs, occasionally coalescing to icily slip down my spinal cord. shiver.
look into my eyes. no, really look. can you know me? can you see the gold flecks shyly floating there? can you see the corona of...
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look into my eyes. no, really look. can you know me? can you see the gold flecks shyly floating there? can you see the corona of...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
dr_knownothing:
let us leave theories there and return to here's hear.
-j.joyce. (so cute!)
-j.joyce. (so cute!)
cobalt:
You have a real flair for imagery Mei! I know you've been working on literary analysis, but do you do any of your own work (poetry, prose)? I'm guessing you do - if you don't, I'd urge you to do so! Dusty raisin sky is a fantastic image and perfectly depicted the exact mood and tone of your scene.
career fairs are depressing. i didn't find anyone that looked good to work for. by the end of it, people were saying, "so what are you interested in?" and i was responding "you know those things that you go to every day and do tasks and then you get paid? one of those." i don't know if people were impressed with my refreshing honesty or...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
cobalt:
You should get a massive salary just for using words like piquant!! BRAVO!! I must second the vote against facial body mods - you have a face of such purity, that I vote keeping it pure. Perhaps a tattoo instead?
And since you are on the hunt for wedding dresses, get one as soon as you can!! My chickie started early but the folks talioring the modfications to it kept screwing it up and we only got a the dress this week, less than 10 days before we needed it!! Watch out for lazy tailors!
And since you are on the hunt for wedding dresses, get one as soon as you can!! My chickie started early but the folks talioring the modfications to it kept screwing it up and we only got a the dress this week, less than 10 days before we needed it!! Watch out for lazy tailors!
crazygrrl:
I know what you mean about yoga. It is amazing how much your body misses the simple routines. I love to go to the studio as well. It's a very immersive experience and you get something totally different when you practice at home.
what it looks like when i press the heels of my hands to my eyes:
it's all black for a second, then blue and yellow blobs of light begin floating. something that looks like a cross between lightening and tentacles kind of appears in the middle, pushing the lights out of the way. it's dark yellow, i think the color called "maize" in the crayon...
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it's all black for a second, then blue and yellow blobs of light begin floating. something that looks like a cross between lightening and tentacles kind of appears in the middle, pushing the lights out of the way. it's dark yellow, i think the color called "maize" in the crayon...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
stickyrice:
Another journal entry loaded with feel-good Gemuetlichkeit. (Note to Spooky: equip site with umlaut capability.)
What kind of pie do you think Jesus would like?
What kind of pie do you think Jesus would like?
cobalt:
Another supurb entery, Mei! First paragraph reminded me of the more prosaic side of Samuel Delany's work. Would really love to see a picture of the 70's rockstar/superhero oufit...sounds pretty savage.
what a fucking week. work, work, work. i turned in 60 pages today, which is pretty good. behind in all my other classes, but i guess that's kind of understandable. i'm fighting the desperate urge to kick myself about something - i didn't work hard enough, i slept too much, i messed up somehow. i guess i just need sleep.
to be honest, aside from...
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to be honest, aside from...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
lotus:
wow, I'm baby crazy right now too! We can have fake babies together!
rubbersoul:
Welcome back. We're all still here. Please share some of that medication that destroys your short term memory. I could use it. 
ok. i've just decided that i'm taking a break from the site for ONE week. i'll be back next monday. i have thirty or so pages that i should write this week, and i won't finish it all anyway, but i won't get anything done if i spend as much time here as i have been lately. i'll still check my email, so if you...
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VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
csilla:
i have to wait a whole week?!?! i just found you!!! lol.
you are the epitome of hottness
xoxo csilla
you are the epitome of hottness
xoxo csilla
darkhorse:
hope ya had /have a good week darlin? x
people giving me their opinions on my brain really helps, actually. it's nice to know i'm not alone. i actually got some writing done today, because i took some extra neurontin and it calmed me down. so i no longer want to explode, and i can focus better. maybe i ought to get my head doctor to prescribe me a higher dose.
i skipped school...
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i skipped school...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
oso:
i like your brain.
i wish more people had brains like yours.
of course....you've seen how mine works....
you and me, we need a world all to our own....loon howls, leaves falling, rainbow lights....some place you and me can retreat to for a few minutes a day and.....collect.
ya know?
or am i all alone here?
i wish more people had brains like yours.
of course....you've seen how mine works....
you and me, we need a world all to our own....loon howls, leaves falling, rainbow lights....some place you and me can retreat to for a few minutes a day and.....collect.
ya know?
or am i all alone here?
nex_flamma:
I know Im totally getting redundant with this, but in all honesty, every time you write something about your childhood, I totally feel like Im there. You're a really amazing writer.
And, if it helps in any way, I like your brain. It's a nice brain. It's that good kind of brain that you only find on physicists or koala bears. That didn't make any sense. Yeah, forget that last part. I just mean that you are a really damned intelligent girl and I hold you in the highest regard. Which is pretty impressive considering we've never met, huh?
And that "pat the bunny" thing is easily the most adorable thing I've heard in the last 20 minutes or so.
Hehe. Nite dearie.
And, if it helps in any way, I like your brain. It's a nice brain. It's that good kind of brain that you only find on physicists or koala bears. That didn't make any sense. Yeah, forget that last part. I just mean that you are a really damned intelligent girl and I hold you in the highest regard. Which is pretty impressive considering we've never met, huh?
And that "pat the bunny" thing is easily the most adorable thing I've heard in the last 20 minutes or so.
Hehe. Nite dearie.
so angry grumpy. so not caring about anything. i just want to finish school and start something else, but i don't know what it'll be. the job market sucks so much right now, who wants a new graduate with no experience? i'm just so terrified of ending up in a dead-end shit job and never being able to stop. like treading water, and discovering that...
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VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
mistercash:
wow you are so beautiful, can't wait for your set, welcome to SG
yawf:
damn girl, and I though i was having a shitty week!
i thought of you last Thursday while i was driving home. it was sunset and i was looking for my dragons in the sky. i still haven't seen them, they're tricky!
instead of a dragon, i saw an angels wing, huge and very clear. it was feathery and beautiful. i would like to think it was some sort of sign b/c that was the day the war started, but unfortunately i'm forever a sceptic.
i thought of you last Thursday while i was driving home. it was sunset and i was looking for my dragons in the sky. i still haven't seen them, they're tricky!
instead of a dragon, i saw an angels wing, huge and very clear. it was feathery and beautiful. i would like to think it was some sort of sign b/c that was the day the war started, but unfortunately i'm forever a sceptic.
for awhile i was trying to visit everyone who said something nice to me, but it got to be too many.. you are all so wonderful! i had no idea that people read what i wrote on the boards and actually noticed.. happy happy happy..
so i'm not at the sgpdx party.. because i'm a big
. i'm scared of people, and i know there's...
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so i'm not at the sgpdx party.. because i'm a big
. i'm scared of people, and i know there's... Read More
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
unloveable:
I don't think I'll ever have the guts to go to an SG event either. I did go to the anniversery, but there were so many people it was like being in a packed bar so you didn't need to talk to anyone. And I did just that. You should go this year btw. It was best time I had at a bar in a long time.
The only bad part was by the end of the night; Ty and I had gotten so drunk that we actually stumbled over to Erin and asked about the afterparties. I think we scared her, but she handled us well she just said she was tired and going to bed so she didn't know where they were. I think I would have done the same, but it made me feel like a dirty old man.
The only bad part was by the end of the night; Ty and I had gotten so drunk that we actually stumbled over to Erin and asked about the afterparties. I think we scared her, but she handled us well she just said she was tired and going to bed so she didn't know where they were. I think I would have done the same, but it made me feel like a dirty old man.
astrokreep23:
Congrats on going Pink. Its a special day!