megamisama

so i went to lunch with my ?boyfriend? ...i mean..."ex" boyfriend...which was clearified for me today...as i thought we were just on a break. but no...he really did break up with me.
we talked forever about us. and whats going on...since none of this has really been clear to me since it happend. that he feels like he is holding me back from alot of things...that he has lost passion..not in us, but everything period...probably because he's not quite where he pictured himself in life...or hasnt accomplished the things that he thought he would have. so...maby its good that we take sometime and figure ourselves out...do what we've needed and wanted to do to get where we thought we'd be...and meet back in the middle.
...that no one will ever love him as much as me...and that i am perfect in pretty much every way possible...and even if he was looking for someone...not one single girl will ever possess (sp?) even two of the amazing qualities that i have...and no one will ever compare. that he loves me with all his heart...but things just arnt right....and we havent been as close as we were...or as happy in certain areas as we were.
that he would love nothing more than for us to end up back together...
he is leaving for a year to go culinary school...
i dont want him to leave me though. really..i really really dont.
he doesnt understand why he makes me happy...he's living with my ex...and he said that just observing waynes qualities, and passion for certain things...he doesnt see why we broke up, and why i left wayne for him...
wow...i just cant belive it.
and my friend meggan came to work today...and i found out her and brian got engaged...so i went to the bathroom and balled my eyes out.
he always said he would marry me...that i was THE one...and he was going to have a ring made for me...plaitnum...with a moon and a spiderweb...and a teardrop shaped diamond...he cried the night he described it to me.
life sucks...then you die