So I work at a bookstore. And by work I mean I run a bookstore. Sometimes it's fucking awesome and I get to talk to people who think Augusten Burroughs is amazing despite his dark humour. I can talk to people who still want me to read House of Leaves even though I don't have the time. And I can talk to people about Dan Brown is over-rated and how we couldn't finish the book.
But then I also have the days that make my Xanax supply run low.
Yesterday, but it feels like 12 months ago it was so odd, I had to deal with a lady who was preaching to my customers. Apparently God had instructed her to save the wonderful Books-a-million customer base. I thought this was going to be an easyb situation, much like how it always is, with "I'm sorry mam, but I've had some people complain. Your faith is welcome, but you can't press it upon other people here when they don't want you to. That's harassment"
But no.
"Mam"
*lady speaking in latin*
"Mam?"
*continues in latin*
"Ok mam. Basically I've had some complaints that you're harassing my customers about religion. Some of them are quite annoyed that you told them to stop and you kept following them"
"God has instructed me to come down from the heavens and save these people. No weapon can hurt his message and I must complete his mission"
"Ok, that's great mam. But you can't do it here. This is private property and I'm trying to run a business, not a sermon"
*continues in latin*
"So if you continue I will ask you to leave. If you don't. I'm calling the cops"
"You can not call the cops on a emplotyee of Jesus. For he is going to reborn and you will regret your decision to interfere with my mission. God wants me..."
"No mam, God wants you to leave my store. He told me himself, just now, that you're giving him a bad name" So please, just leave"
"Sir, I just want you to know *Speaks in latin again for a while, I call cops* that Jesus loves you and..."
"Ok no, the cops are their way via my handy cell phone I just used even though I'm not suppose to have it on the floor and you're leaving either way. And apparently mam, the cops laughed when I told them about you because they know who you are. Do you think God approves of that?"
Lady leaves
That's the short fucking version.
Seriously, someone save me. And no, not like that.
But then I also have the days that make my Xanax supply run low.
Yesterday, but it feels like 12 months ago it was so odd, I had to deal with a lady who was preaching to my customers. Apparently God had instructed her to save the wonderful Books-a-million customer base. I thought this was going to be an easyb situation, much like how it always is, with "I'm sorry mam, but I've had some people complain. Your faith is welcome, but you can't press it upon other people here when they don't want you to. That's harassment"
But no.
"Mam"
*lady speaking in latin*
"Mam?"
*continues in latin*
"Ok mam. Basically I've had some complaints that you're harassing my customers about religion. Some of them are quite annoyed that you told them to stop and you kept following them"
"God has instructed me to come down from the heavens and save these people. No weapon can hurt his message and I must complete his mission"
"Ok, that's great mam. But you can't do it here. This is private property and I'm trying to run a business, not a sermon"
*continues in latin*
"So if you continue I will ask you to leave. If you don't. I'm calling the cops"
"You can not call the cops on a emplotyee of Jesus. For he is going to reborn and you will regret your decision to interfere with my mission. God wants me..."
"No mam, God wants you to leave my store. He told me himself, just now, that you're giving him a bad name" So please, just leave"
"Sir, I just want you to know *Speaks in latin again for a while, I call cops* that Jesus loves you and..."
"Ok no, the cops are their way via my handy cell phone I just used even though I'm not suppose to have it on the floor and you're leaving either way. And apparently mam, the cops laughed when I told them about you because they know who you are. Do you think God approves of that?"
Lady leaves
That's the short fucking version.
Seriously, someone save me. And no, not like that.
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Oh no! A ninja!
Now I can't even hide from the compliments