all of you should plan me a surprise party & come make me fucking smile, dammit! i need attention! rrrrrruuuuhhh!
and also:
fuck today.
what a waste.
______________________
rainwolfkin, i really wish i'd heard my phone ringing. i had music on too loud. now i'm crying again.
i feel a dull throbbing, tearing pain everywhere.
your words made me feel happy & i'm thankful...
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and also:
fuck today.
what a waste.
______________________
rainwolfkin, i really wish i'd heard my phone ringing. i had music on too loud. now i'm crying again.
i feel a dull throbbing, tearing pain everywhere.
your words made me feel happy & i'm thankful...
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urrrgh.
but moving on...
a couple nights ago i saw the full moon. i laid down on the cement driveway & watched the clouds moving across the sky, the moon hovering in the air. so bright. i breathed in the air consciously. you could feel spring coming. {since i'm in the south, you could probably feel summer coming, although it's hard to tell the difference...}...
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but moving on...
a couple nights ago i saw the full moon. i laid down on the cement driveway & watched the clouds moving across the sky, the moon hovering in the air. so bright. i breathed in the air consciously. you could feel spring coming. {since i'm in the south, you could probably feel summer coming, although it's hard to tell the difference...}...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
letigre:
the last time i laid down on the ground and watched the sky, i thought i was going to get arrested. it was in a high school parking lot and we were very drunk. a cop rolled in and found us laid out on the asphalt. he made us line up around his police car and put or hands on the hood while he frisked us. i thought my fingers were going to melt because the hood was so hot from the running engine. he let us go after a little humiliation was instilled. jerk.
rainwolfkin:
i tried to call you tonight. but i got your answering message. you're so twangy. living in the south'll do that to you. remember in NY and i still called soda, pop? oh yeah. i'm so redneck baby. i'm so tired, and i'm so drunk, and i get up at 6am to take a flight to america where i'll breath in the cold frozen air of a deserted landscape. a place of utter emptiness and barren naked fields of corn stalks that were slaughtered ages ago. you stopped through there once or twice. a stepping stone in your journeys. i'll always feel the imprint you left on me. i'll always hear your voice softing tingling in my ears. you are the dream that colours my sight upon waking from long overdue hours of sleep. you are the silence that speaks contentment to my heart.
the universe wants me to be alone. even with my ex boi in my bed, i can't get any affection. that usually sufficed in the past - a safe way to get some without the entanglements of a relationship or someone who doesn't understand me...
...so, apparently, it's really time to learn to be alone. i can't get sexual validation anywhere! i recently realized how...
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...so, apparently, it's really time to learn to be alone. i can't get sexual validation anywhere! i recently realized how...
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rainwolfkin:
sorry that you are feeling alone. 
letigre:
sometimes being alone is a good thing. we just dont always recognize it.
letigre!! yay! and yes, there are always hot girls at their shows.
letigre!! yay! and yes, there are always hot girls at their shows.
my ex-boifriend is in my house.
oi.
oi.
cosyne:
Hey, at least it isn't Justin Benjamin....
ghostina:
oi! ps- i love the get up kids....and i'm wearing a modest mouse shirt right now.
ps- i love the get up kids....and i'm wearing a modest mouse shirt right now. i made vegan tacos last night.
today my stummy is making weird noises, like air's leaking out of my belly button.
today my stummy is making weird noises, like air's leaking out of my belly button.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
rainwolfkin:
so, while we were apart...i finally hit that final stage of puberty--you know, when your boobs grow just a bit more. i was really happy before this happened:
now they just bounce too much...
now they just bounce too much...
medusaq:
yes. i think mine are shrinking. i'm sorry for your gain.
you're hot, though, all the same...
you're hot, though, all the same...
life & being are all connected, science is math is art is language, music, expression. even when "imperfections" exist, "perfection" is also present...because there are no judgments when we are animals, mammals...nervous systems encased in meat & bone, floating around, whirring thoughts & emotion complicating the simplicity of Nature...at least i'm able to understand simplicity's complexity. or is that a bittersweet curse disguised as enlightenment?...
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rainwolfkin:
i know what you mean. sometimes i'd like to have a dichotomy--some structure in my world, and i think maybe that i've lost it forever. my heart bled until there was no blood left and then i understood the interconnectivity of all things through their common meaninglessness and i lost all importance in life. i look at people hurting and feel nothing. sometimes i look at myself hurting and feel nothing. i wish that i could place a label on things like 'good' or 'bad', but i just cant sometimes because i see my ultimate place in the universe which is the same place as everything else and know that all heirarchy is gone.
i want to sit naked in the woods on a cool autumn day, on a patch of moist moss and feel the leaves falling from the trees and see the sun beaming through the leaves and see the night swallowing the sun and remember what it feels like to have life fill my lungs.
sometimes, pure experience needs no heirarchy.
i want to sit naked in the woods on a cool autumn day, on a patch of moist moss and feel the leaves falling from the trees and see the sun beaming through the leaves and see the night swallowing the sun and remember what it feels like to have life fill my lungs.
sometimes, pure experience needs no heirarchy.
medusaq:
someday we will go to the woods together & find that moss. it is possible to regain life in your lungs...
...for if all things are equal in their meaninglessness, if nothing truly matters, then it is possible to believe that everything matters in that everything we perceive as existing DOES exist &, therefore, must have an ultimate purpose in our personal realm...
it's the "everything happens for a reason" approach to existence...& it's a bit more optimistic...
...for if all things are equal in their meaninglessness, if nothing truly matters, then it is possible to believe that everything matters in that everything we perceive as existing DOES exist &, therefore, must have an ultimate purpose in our personal realm...
it's the "everything happens for a reason" approach to existence...& it's a bit more optimistic...
i think i have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. if that even exists, really. perhaps i'm just borderline, depressed, & anxious & on too much caffiene & vodka.
either way, i change so quickly from one moment to the next...from obsessing over things that make me sick, angry, sad, & crazy until i want to perforate my eyeballs using only things found in nature TO laughing at...
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either way, i change so quickly from one moment to the next...from obsessing over things that make me sick, angry, sad, & crazy until i want to perforate my eyeballs using only things found in nature TO laughing at...
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i like beer.
someone needs to come drink with me so when my therapist asks me next monday whether i've been drinking alone again, i can say no & not be lying this time. i mean, my roommates are in the next room. so technically i'm not alone. but they're sleeping.
so?!
i'm not really pathetic, it's just that everyone else 'round here is boring...
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someone needs to come drink with me so when my therapist asks me next monday whether i've been drinking alone again, i can say no & not be lying this time. i mean, my roommates are in the next room. so technically i'm not alone. but they're sleeping.
so?!
i'm not really pathetic, it's just that everyone else 'round here is boring...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
alli:
Beer cheated on me....so now I'm going steady with Vodka
nick667:
just someone who found ur profile thought u were cute wanted to say hi
i never used to spend this much fucking time on the internet.
what have you done?!
what have i become?!
i'm sure this addiction will pass. {right, because that's happened to me before...}
what have you done?!
what have i become?!
i'm sure this addiction will pass. {right, because that's happened to me before...}
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mro:
It's very nice to meet you!
rainwolfkin:
i adore you. i hope that makes you happy. 