you fill this space between everywhere two paths converge & part, familiar & untouched. remember the girl living underground & sprouting new antennae, grammar thrones & unending wells pressing the skin under scars & overgrown paths, easy kinship salty ocean brackish water fresh springs gushing geisers. indigo blood running together running away. press me closer & breathe grass greener.
***
apparently this could make one uncomfortable. but i know you. & i think something in me feels you more than a human can -- or so it feels a lot of the time. we bound souls, even if we were so immature, with utter intention & true love. & now all we were still is. underneath lives, beneath time away, something unexplained, unexpected is green & wet. never destroyed. belated out of necessity for individual growth. i don't know how to ingest this. i only know how to be. in whatever form we take, i love you. eternally, we have known love. & it is the only way.
************************************************
************************************************
i've spent the past 3 days in chattanooga, tennessee with my ex-boyfriend, jeremy. we haven't really hung out since i started dating women. he was my first serious relationship -- the boy mentioned in my profile under "i lost my virginity".
something easy exists between us. we're comfortable. we've both changed & grown so much for the better...strangely, in very similar ways. for example, he only eats organic foods, is aware of important world issues, exercises, cut down on the over-abuse of illegal substances, & likes much of the same type of music.
he's a born-again christian. THAT is not something i have experienced. & am certain i won't ever. but he hasn't changed the way he IS. the way he BE. i was afraid "finding" "religion" would alter him irreparably. but it hasn't. & i love him still. he is part of my extremely elite soul family.
we've had such a great time seeing one another. & yes, we had sex. I HAD SEX WITH A BOY. it's been a while. but it was really nice. i don't know if i could ever fall IN love with him again. all i know is that we're gonna be seeing one another more often, since he's lived 1 1/2 hours away for years & we're just realizing how close we really are.
it was surreal at times, because it felt like we'd been together for 9 1/2 years, like we never were apart. it feels easy & comfortable without all those facades new relationships have. we can look stupid & not care. it feels like the great mystery grabbed the blanket of time & pulled 1995-2000 & NOW so they lie right next to one another.
i wonder if i'm just lonely & this is easy. or if there is something i should examine. or if we should just remain friends, nothing more...i also want to not wonder & just allow things to flow as they want to flow...
i beg anyone reading this, particularly rainwolfkin {since you actually knew me when i was with him}, to please talk to me about this -- ask me questions, make me think, help me twist this thing into making sense. i don't really know what i'm doing...
***
apparently this could make one uncomfortable. but i know you. & i think something in me feels you more than a human can -- or so it feels a lot of the time. we bound souls, even if we were so immature, with utter intention & true love. & now all we were still is. underneath lives, beneath time away, something unexplained, unexpected is green & wet. never destroyed. belated out of necessity for individual growth. i don't know how to ingest this. i only know how to be. in whatever form we take, i love you. eternally, we have known love. & it is the only way.
************************************************
************************************************
i've spent the past 3 days in chattanooga, tennessee with my ex-boyfriend, jeremy. we haven't really hung out since i started dating women. he was my first serious relationship -- the boy mentioned in my profile under "i lost my virginity".
something easy exists between us. we're comfortable. we've both changed & grown so much for the better...strangely, in very similar ways. for example, he only eats organic foods, is aware of important world issues, exercises, cut down on the over-abuse of illegal substances, & likes much of the same type of music.
he's a born-again christian. THAT is not something i have experienced. & am certain i won't ever. but he hasn't changed the way he IS. the way he BE. i was afraid "finding" "religion" would alter him irreparably. but it hasn't. & i love him still. he is part of my extremely elite soul family.
we've had such a great time seeing one another. & yes, we had sex. I HAD SEX WITH A BOY. it's been a while. but it was really nice. i don't know if i could ever fall IN love with him again. all i know is that we're gonna be seeing one another more often, since he's lived 1 1/2 hours away for years & we're just realizing how close we really are.
it was surreal at times, because it felt like we'd been together for 9 1/2 years, like we never were apart. it feels easy & comfortable without all those facades new relationships have. we can look stupid & not care. it feels like the great mystery grabbed the blanket of time & pulled 1995-2000 & NOW so they lie right next to one another.
i wonder if i'm just lonely & this is easy. or if there is something i should examine. or if we should just remain friends, nothing more...i also want to not wonder & just allow things to flow as they want to flow...
i beg anyone reading this, particularly rainwolfkin {since you actually knew me when i was with him}, to please talk to me about this -- ask me questions, make me think, help me twist this thing into making sense. i don't really know what i'm doing...
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
but then, this urge to "move on" and "find something/one new" is, imho, something unpleasantly capitalist and cosmopolitan at its heart.
i see nothing wrong with hanging out with him, and i disagree with MRO's cynicism. a couple of my closest friends are exs. and we've never ending up back in bed (do there! *pokes tongue*).
and yet, there is truth there also. remember that you have, for whatever reasons, moved apart from oneanother. when we rediscover someone from our past it is all too easy to slip into our old ways of living with them...
hell i don't know. i'm more confused and over-analytical than you, so i don't think i'm the best for advice.
what everyone else would say to me:
stop analysing it and go with the flow. just be careful.
what i would say to myself:
i think- no, wait. actually don't. no do. but maybe...
sod. now i'm confused...
(he seems cool. and lovely.
even if he is a God-Lover...)
x