medusaq

i just found this thing i wrote in february, although i don't remember writing it. i am so fascinating. i meet myself over & over...

if we are to be the change we would like to see in the world then my arms are open and clean
my hands are not violent
i make sense when i talk to myself
my skull is not broken
and i don't fake a southern drawl
to win friends
make my enemies work in my factory
building bombs to kill our family
& i know how to read
more than sports illustrated
& the stock report
i never knew my daddy
& may be better off that way.

and this:
inside a crumbling masterpiece

sometimes i remember you
incorrectly
leaning over me with your fist
through my chest
pulling strings behind my back
winding the clock backward
so it's never time to go
you sold your backpack
and sat still
cross-legged meditation
on the wrong side of my window
the inside

i paint when i am lonely
i stopped keeping a journal
i talk to myself
i make up reasons to drive my car
so that i am always moving,
leaving and returning
i am different now
the same way
i am breathing
just like you
and i wish you could see the red
of my room
----------------------------------------------
{from a time when i thought i was better}

I WAS.
inside out
once
one with you
distant stranger
tugging your head closer
squinting to see you
farther than headlights reach

roots caressing wet dirt
stretching downward and in
sending meditation
upward and out
praising great mysteries
questions with no need for answers

I AM.
now curving around the universe
sharing space and time
ONE with all
--------------------------------------
and the height of wisdom:

People arent destinations
Theyre gas stations.

~my good friend, josh niesse
**************************************************

i desire. someday i hope to romantically desire a human for internal characteristics & connections, then finding them physically attractive & desirable based on those internal qualities. i think i find this in a few people in my life right now. one is a boy. he lives far{-ish} away. further exploration is intended. but it's nice to know that i don't continue excluding 49% of the population in my quest for love & companionship. i actually hope to have at least one intense adult relationship with a male in my lifetime...so i can figure some things out.

also, i love you, reader. whoever you may be in this moment.
really. i feel love.