medusaq

today i went to a job interview. i was applying to be J's friend.

i wasn't sure how it was going until J's dad said something about how he went to J's mom after i'd gotten there & he & i had talked briefly pre-interview. he said to her, "i think we have a problem here." J's mom was like, "what's that?" & he said, "i think i like her already."

phew. *sigh*

still, i'm seriously concerned about what will come of all this:

when J's all giddy, wound up & excited & manic, i wonder what i've gotten myself into. i worry that i'll want to exit stage left someday soon. i don't want to have to work too hard for a mature, deep, valuable friendship. i worry that she's gonna hate me soon.

but when she's calm, when she's serious, when she's just looking at me, i like her so much. i want to touch her. when we hugged goodbye, she smelled good. it was just the smell of J, nothing else. i pulled her a little closer...she feels so good. *sigh*

it's a good thing that when we hang out i remember to keep my distance & when i leave her i wish i'd just said 'fuck it' & kissed her. instead of vice versa -- doing something i'm gonna regret when i leave.

i like suspense. i like going on adventures.

J, calm down. be patient. get comfortable in our friendship. get comfortable in your skin. then in mine...