mechapilot

So after a couple of glasses of Glenlivet late last night, and i started remembering my junior high school and early high school years. These years, it seemed, where the black hole of emotion in my life. Why? I knew exactly why. My parents. I don't really blame them for what they did, they just were trying to be good parents, and follow the instructions of my psychiatrist. But those pills... ritalin, adderall, even risperdal! They seemed to take away everything that was me. People just didn't know me any more, some even figured to just stop being my friend. The worst part was, i just didn't care. I didn't feel ANYTHING. NOTHING. i was just alive. Wake up, eat, go to school, work, go to bed, sleep, and repeat. I couldn't tell you feelings I had hurt, people I just let go, because i just didn't feel enough to even remember. In a time I should've been growing emotionally, dating, making new friends, I just simply... didn't. In an entire world full of life, I was mister toaster. Make toast, no need to feel or think, just do your job of being there and making toast when they push the button.

After getting off these medications (as soon as i was old enough to protest their usage. Their effects had wained after a few years, and i could really understand what was at stake) I was myself all over again. I made new friends, apologize to old ones, and I even got a girl who fell in love with me, and i could finally feel the same. I've learned to let things roll off me, not because I don't feel them, but because now I actually enjoy the ability to feel it. I guess what i really want to say is that I'll never say "I wish she/he hurt me," or "I wish never cared in the first place", because I'm really glad that I can. I've been emotionless before, and don't ever want to go back.

Mkay... I'm done.