mechanic

I just talked to one of my friends over the phone...
and he told me that he ran into my ex in some
photo store... as soon as he started telling
me this, my heart dropped.... I'm so fucking
not over her. it's really ridiculous. yeah, so...
I would like to still be friends with her... maybe
I should e-mail or something... only I know, in
my head I'm still trying to get back together
with her... fucking sick... I should be chained
to the wall, blindfolded and fed through a tube
for like five years, till I get her image out of
my brain.... you can tell I'm in a great mood,
now.... here's a funny thing: when we were
together I was so miserable and powerless
at times, that I thought: "hey, it's not so bad,
I can always get out of this thing. Suicide for
example is an easy way..." I swear to God,
this thought crossed my mind... and now, I'm
sitting here contemplating how much I want
to see her.... I can't believe this shit.
Where's Freud when you need him, ah? I'm asking
you....