mcwarbringer

You know what i miss the most about the civilian life? Being me. Being an individual. Having crazy colors in my hair, having my peircings, letting my tattoos show proudly, and never holding back in anything i did or said. The military is my life now. And although I love my job, I've found the love of my life, have a brand new 2009 jeep wrangler, have a steady pay check thats only gonna get better as i make rank, and have some of the best fucking friends on the face of the planet, it doesnt take away the fact that i'm not allowed to be me. I mean... I'm still me in personality. The way i talk, act and interact with most people, but im still restrained. I still have to obay people who a lot of the time dont deserve the respect i have to give them and i have to speak "military" when talking to certain people. I've never had rules in my life. Never had to obey anyone, always did what i wanted the way i wanted and no one ever fucked with me. Needless to say i'm having issues coping with it. I wish i could be me again. My life is great right now. I have a wonderful man, i live in italy, i absolutaly love my job, have amazing freinds, have done and seen thing some people never get to.. but the one thing i'm missing is me. Is that selfish? Am i just being moronic? Cause i see new suicide girls everyday and cant help but think of how much i want that. I was born to be a suicide girl. Made for it from the ground up. It's kinda become a dream. But not now. Not in the military. But this is my duty. To serve my country. And to make sacrifices.