I finally got the lazy weekend I wanted. By lazy I mean I wasn't entertaining anyone, (or cleaning up after them when they left), no major chores, (though gods know I needed to), and no where I had to be with one exception.
I went to church for the first time in fourteen years. I very much love my friends Jeff and Heather and whenever there is an opportunity to learn more about them I take it whole heartedly. So off to church I went with them. Hell, I was curious at first just on an observatory level. I'm not christian, but they welcomed the idea without pressure. All told it was interesting. The sunday school session was very fun. The minister had a wonderful sense of humour, a passion for what he was teaching and I really got into it. I got more out of that than I did from the sermon. The sermon was just weird, though. It was a presbytarian church, for those who can use that as a marker. I couldn't. I was raised catholic, methodist and to some degree in the jewish beliefs.
First off, as I said before, I'm not christian and never will be. It's through no prejudice or traumatic past history. I took the normal path of many teens and veered away from the faith I was raised in to search out others and to some extremes. About five years ago I had a major spiritual awakening. Enlightenment. It was like the world passed through me. I digress. Either way, this Jesus guy didn't play a role in me finding inner peace and I can't wrap myself around a belief that insists I look to someone as my personal savior. Crap, this is going to turn into more than I want to write at this moment. Dragging the topic back to the experience this Sunday.
At some point in the previous two weeks I started to look at this adventure as more than a way to get to know my friends. I wanted to know if this was something I could wrap myself around. I'm very serious about wanting children sometime down the road and worry about how I'm going to teach them something that I just kind of stumbled upon. Somewhere in this head I thought a community like a church would be a good thing to research, a possible classroom ... now I think I was looking for a cop-out for something that scares me. I don't understand how I got to where I am and fear being unable to give my future offspring the same chance.
The experience itself was anti-climatic. I found exactly what I expected. Several million dollars had gone into the construction of this church, it's musical equipment, sound system, tele-prompt, huge projector screens, computer systems, yadda yadda. It dripped with dollar signs. The sermon was focused on getting through simple understandings of selflessness to a congregation that can't see past tabloid headlines, status shopping and image in general. I was bored. He was a good speaker, it was an unfortunate venue. My neighbors in the pews were used to buying their way into heaven. "$55 to volunteer for this and $75 for that. We've had black people in the church this past week. See how we're giving to the community? There will be an inner city band next week. Only another $100 per person for a luncheon so we can buy the last few acres that are anywhere near us. How about $150 for the dinner later this week?"
Where was the mystery and love of a common spiritual belief? Why did I feel like I was watching an especially charismatic pediphile on stage? How is it that a simple shallow sermon could leave me feeling so numb? I had worked it up in my head that I would be seeing a gathering of the same spiritual proportions of one of my drum tribe gatherings. Just because they're different doesn't mean the energy can't be there. I went to the wrong place. I won't be trying that again for a long time.
I still love and adore Jeff and Heather. Having talked to them I understand them to be spiritually solid and inspiring people. They're intelligent, witty, carefree and most importantly they have the same goals. To constantly aspire to be the best person one can possibly be and sharing that energy with anyone they come in contact with. However, their church kinda freaked me out. It was neat to go with them, but that's passed now. I learned a lot from the experience, not what I was expecting, but still ... who's ever gotten to choose what they get hit in the head with?
I went to church for the first time in fourteen years. I very much love my friends Jeff and Heather and whenever there is an opportunity to learn more about them I take it whole heartedly. So off to church I went with them. Hell, I was curious at first just on an observatory level. I'm not christian, but they welcomed the idea without pressure. All told it was interesting. The sunday school session was very fun. The minister had a wonderful sense of humour, a passion for what he was teaching and I really got into it. I got more out of that than I did from the sermon. The sermon was just weird, though. It was a presbytarian church, for those who can use that as a marker. I couldn't. I was raised catholic, methodist and to some degree in the jewish beliefs.
First off, as I said before, I'm not christian and never will be. It's through no prejudice or traumatic past history. I took the normal path of many teens and veered away from the faith I was raised in to search out others and to some extremes. About five years ago I had a major spiritual awakening. Enlightenment. It was like the world passed through me. I digress. Either way, this Jesus guy didn't play a role in me finding inner peace and I can't wrap myself around a belief that insists I look to someone as my personal savior. Crap, this is going to turn into more than I want to write at this moment. Dragging the topic back to the experience this Sunday.
At some point in the previous two weeks I started to look at this adventure as more than a way to get to know my friends. I wanted to know if this was something I could wrap myself around. I'm very serious about wanting children sometime down the road and worry about how I'm going to teach them something that I just kind of stumbled upon. Somewhere in this head I thought a community like a church would be a good thing to research, a possible classroom ... now I think I was looking for a cop-out for something that scares me. I don't understand how I got to where I am and fear being unable to give my future offspring the same chance.
The experience itself was anti-climatic. I found exactly what I expected. Several million dollars had gone into the construction of this church, it's musical equipment, sound system, tele-prompt, huge projector screens, computer systems, yadda yadda. It dripped with dollar signs. The sermon was focused on getting through simple understandings of selflessness to a congregation that can't see past tabloid headlines, status shopping and image in general. I was bored. He was a good speaker, it was an unfortunate venue. My neighbors in the pews were used to buying their way into heaven. "$55 to volunteer for this and $75 for that. We've had black people in the church this past week. See how we're giving to the community? There will be an inner city band next week. Only another $100 per person for a luncheon so we can buy the last few acres that are anywhere near us. How about $150 for the dinner later this week?"
Where was the mystery and love of a common spiritual belief? Why did I feel like I was watching an especially charismatic pediphile on stage? How is it that a simple shallow sermon could leave me feeling so numb? I had worked it up in my head that I would be seeing a gathering of the same spiritual proportions of one of my drum tribe gatherings. Just because they're different doesn't mean the energy can't be there. I went to the wrong place. I won't be trying that again for a long time.
I still love and adore Jeff and Heather. Having talked to them I understand them to be spiritually solid and inspiring people. They're intelligent, witty, carefree and most importantly they have the same goals. To constantly aspire to be the best person one can possibly be and sharing that energy with anyone they come in contact with. However, their church kinda freaked me out. It was neat to go with them, but that's passed now. I learned a lot from the experience, not what I was expecting, but still ... who's ever gotten to choose what they get hit in the head with?
delihound:
*sigh*