maybes_smashing

i realized last night that in order for me to write again, i have to learn to let myself feel. i don't know when it happened, but i don't have control over my emotions the way i used to. i can do anger and i can do sadness for movies. but i can't reach down into pain and real sadness right now. and anytime i start to be able to, i write a journal entry, and i'm appologetic about the parts that i put out there that are a little deeper than, "this is what i did today and here's some stuff i got". i need to learn not to be so appologetic about these things and then i need to remember that it's okay to write some shit in order to get the goods. i used to want to blame it on photography, but really, that makes no sense. i've got so many walls up that i stopped being able to keep track.