maybes_smashing

"whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper." -arthur golden, memoirs of a geisha

fabulous novel. just finished reading it for the second time. it sucks you in. almost like the fountainhead, but not so extreme.

work this weekend was stressful. i made shit on friday (between $60 and $80, can't remember) and great money last night ($141 before tip-out) and tonight ($92 (according to kat, people are always asking how the hell i make so much money). i took party after party yesterday and today (sorry patrick)). those included gratuities really help bring the cash in. last night i had an eighteen-top of college kids going to a gangster-themed formal. they were fucking amazing. great costumes. and there were a lot of prom kids, none of which i had, but most notable was the boy in black overalls, a white dress shirt, cowboy hat, boots, and a pink tie to match his date's dress. christ. rednecks. aside from the amusing outfits, it seems like lately people have been coming out to eat to abuse their server. i'm not really one of those servers who changes their treatment of you according to your treatment of them, but it's really hard to consistently treat people nicely when they're spouting orders at you and just generally being dickheads, especially when you know it won't pay off in the end (which is definetely NOT the case when it comes to serving elsewhere (ie., miami)). bleh.

the puppies are noisy as all fuck and luxie's not wanting to feed them. she's going to the vet tomorrow because i have a feeling she may be coming down with eclampsia/milk fever and that can be fatal and i want everything to be good because these puppies have been around for three weeks and they're fabulous and i love them. they ate their first solid puppy food last night, so i guess the weaning is beginning. i think that'll be a favorable arrangement for all of us because luxie seems incredibly sick of lying down and letting them suck on her. it just doesn't seem all that pleasurable to her.

one more week of school to go. one more week and then i've got ten days off, which i had initially planned to use for a trip to jacksonville/miami to see kat and i's respective families, but we can't afford it since i bought my car. eventually i'll be able to get down there, but this guilt is killing me. it just occurred to me the other day how little thought i put into moving out when i was eighteen. i just never realized how much i appreciated my family and how i'd never be in the same place as them for an extended period of time again, and with age, i just have this overwhelming sense of guilt that i'm missing something that won't be there forever and i need to get back to it as soon as possible. the thought of one day calling my grandparents and not having my grandfather there to answer the phone and give me brief updates and advice just kills me. it's this small pleasure that i take for granted. i think about this on a more regular basis now and it never ceases to make me extremely emotional.

we went to a show the other night to support someone we respect(ed) as a musician, artist, and friend. i owe her a good deal of money. due to that fact, she was downright rude to us to the point of ignoring the fact that we were even there and even, during one song, throwing a mutual friend's name out there with some comment about friendship just to point out to us in a passive-aggressive way that she was, in fact, punishing us. that's fine and good, but that's not the way friendship works. yes, i owe her money. yes, i have every intention of giving it to her, but we never made any payment arrangements, she just popped up one day wanting everything i owed her and i didn't have it. what's more is that i didn't borrow money, i ran up a tab that she didn't seen to have any objections to and that i had been steadily paying off and everything just went to shit. even better, she lost control of her business and, rather than taking responsibility for it, she's pushing it off on everyone that owes her cash. my take on it is that if she really cared about it the way she claims to have, she wouldn't have dropped her job waiting tables, no matter how shitty it was, because she knew she had bills to pay and shit to take care of. when kat and i end up in the hole like we are now, our bills still get paid (late or not), our dog still eats, and so do we because we have a work ethic. don't pawn off on me what you couldn't do for yourself. i will give you your money and in due time. i don't owe you money because it's fun for me. really. and i don't want this to come off as me being petty, it's just something that's been on my mind and really irks me.

my little brother turned seven today. i got up so late that, in my rush to eat and get to work, i forgot to call him. so, mid-shitty-shift i asked patrick to watch our section and i called him only to listen to my mother and hughie screaming in the background at each other. zach told me that he hadn't gotten anything for his birthday and that his father said he wasn't going to. i don't know how true that is, but it's really shitty. i asked him what he wanted and asked him if he knew what number to dial if anything bad happened and then i had to go because i couldn't hear him and i felt so horrible that his birthday had been ruined and i didn't know what to say. then i promptly went and told kat about it and made her promise that if we ever had kids, nothing like that would happen and she did.

now i have a headache, so i guess this is the time to quit the shit.