this is new: get up entirely too late to go to class, then lie in bed and cry about it because the guilt is keeping you from sleep.
really though, i just want to quit.
i plan on e-mailing my professors and telling them precisely what's wrong, but what can they possibly say? "well, attendance IS optional." that's not the fucking point. if i don't make it to class, i try to get the notes from someone so i have some semblance of an idea of what the lecture was on, but 90% of the people around me are idiots and their notes reflect that, so i'm stuck at square one.
i have done nothing in the past few days but bitch about this. here's a new subject: work tonight.
maybe between the two of us we can at least make half of the rent tonight. that would be good since i've gotta have a check in the box by noon tomorrow.
i mentioned moving to austin after i graduated a while back and a friend of mine managed to find me a place to live in the process. it sounds like a sizeable place and what's better is this: $550 a month for rent, utilities, phone, and cable internet. all kat and i would have to pay for is our cell phones, cable, and car insurance. i think that sounds fabulous, but she's not keen on the idea of uprooting herself again. funny, she grew out of it and i didn't.
i've stayed in johnson city longer than i've stayed anywhere else that i've moved to since i was eighteen. i've been here more than a year and a half now and it's nice knowing people wherever you go (small town life, baby) and having made a home, but i know i want to leave soon. kat wants to go back to florida-- last place i want to go. i've carried around this guilt about not being with my family since june 14, 2001, the day after i graduated highschool, the day i left home. that doesn't mean i want to go back.
she also wants to go back to school and the only way that's possible is if she's got residency wherever we are, which leaves us with two options: tennessee and florida.
i lost all my steam. this ranting does make me feel a little bit better sometimes, though.
really though, i just want to quit.
i plan on e-mailing my professors and telling them precisely what's wrong, but what can they possibly say? "well, attendance IS optional." that's not the fucking point. if i don't make it to class, i try to get the notes from someone so i have some semblance of an idea of what the lecture was on, but 90% of the people around me are idiots and their notes reflect that, so i'm stuck at square one.
i have done nothing in the past few days but bitch about this. here's a new subject: work tonight.
maybe between the two of us we can at least make half of the rent tonight. that would be good since i've gotta have a check in the box by noon tomorrow.
i mentioned moving to austin after i graduated a while back and a friend of mine managed to find me a place to live in the process. it sounds like a sizeable place and what's better is this: $550 a month for rent, utilities, phone, and cable internet. all kat and i would have to pay for is our cell phones, cable, and car insurance. i think that sounds fabulous, but she's not keen on the idea of uprooting herself again. funny, she grew out of it and i didn't.
i've stayed in johnson city longer than i've stayed anywhere else that i've moved to since i was eighteen. i've been here more than a year and a half now and it's nice knowing people wherever you go (small town life, baby) and having made a home, but i know i want to leave soon. kat wants to go back to florida-- last place i want to go. i've carried around this guilt about not being with my family since june 14, 2001, the day after i graduated highschool, the day i left home. that doesn't mean i want to go back.
she also wants to go back to school and the only way that's possible is if she's got residency wherever we are, which leaves us with two options: tennessee and florida.
i lost all my steam. this ranting does make me feel a little bit better sometimes, though.
aj_paradiselost:
Hey babe, It just sounds like your a nomad, I've been that way for fucking years. The last four is when I actually settled down. Or at least I tell myself I settled down, one of the things that make life great is the ability to lie to oneself. August isn't that far off for you to finish school. Make plans to split after that. What's wrong with Florida? At least it's fucking warm there. Let Kat go to school and then you fuckers can go anywhere you want. Take a deep breathe and calm down babe, you gotta slow down that thinking or that is going to be a major fucking source of depression if it isn't already. Or you guys could go to school around here, you'd never be bored or depressed again, I promise. As the Alpha me and the fucking pack are always getting into some new and cool shit. I need that way or else when I look around at the fact that I have been in way place for so long I go nuts, start to feel caged even. Wolves are too fucking big for cages. Anyway I hate being the fucking voice of reason especially with someone who is far more levelheaded than I am. I hope you feel better babe, when we chat and your happy I'm really happy, but when your sad or confused? Well it bums me out. Not that I mind you venting cause I don't, thats what friends are for, for good or bad. The Alpha males look out for the pack, I'm used to that. I gotta jump in the shower and get ready for work. I'll talk to you L8er shitbird............Aj
aj_paradiselost:
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Miss you, christ, can't believe I said that.