mayarix

i feel really upset tonight. my friend with benefits thing is starting to just feel neglectful to me. he never takes me out on dates, we never do anything special together. we just hang out at his house and have sex. he always goes out with his girlfriend and i always am ending up in second place. i love when we're together and it hurts so much when we're not.

i wonder sometimes if i were skinny like her if he'd be a little more interested.... hum. i feel depressed. really depressed. my photoshoot is delayed by one week. i wonder if i'll be into it at all?

There is never anybody here for me when I feel shitty like this. I could slit my wrists or overdose on sleeping pills and nobody would care... or even miss me at least for a week I bet. How pathetic is that? Nobody would miss me. I could rot in my apartment for a week! LoL I should test that theory... but I would hate to leave a mess for my parents to deal with. Nobody should have to bother / trouble themselves with me. fuck, gods know I'm not worth it.